* Photo credit to The Closet *
Steven Wakefield’s in the doldrums because his lady love, Tricia Martin, is giving him the cold shoulder. His sister, Jessica Wakefield, is taking the whole relationship personally because Tricia’s family is gross: Her dad is an alcoholic and her sister, Betsy, is a sexual delinquent who went out with Rick Andover (unlike Jessica).
Unable to take the silence anymore, Steven goes over to Tricia’s house to demand some answers and she dumps him. But why? Because she has—???—leukemia! Tricia doesn’t want her disease to make Steven turn to alcoholism, so that’s why she doesn’t tell him she’s dying and would rather him think she’s sleeping with someone else. This sounds like a great plan!
Meanwhile, Jess’s BFF, Cara Walker, finds Steven to be a “genuine, certified hunk” and is thrilled that he and Tricia broke up. Jess makes it her mission to set Cara up with her big brother. She tells Steven that Cara is having a party and that she knows all the hot gossip on Tricia, hoping that Steven will go over to Cara’s house for the 1980s version of Netflix and chill. Steven shows up and, spurned on by his broken heart, makes out with Cara. Eep!
Conveniently, Jess has convinced Elizabeth Wakefield to be a candy striper at a hospital with her, thus Liz just so happens to spot Tricia at the hospital. Liz corners the poor girl and demands to know what the haps are, HIPAA be damned. She’s like, “I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t help feeling involved.” Of course she can’t.
When Liz sees Tricia hooked up to IVs and shit, Tricia confesses to everything. She also makes Liz promise not to tell Steve, even though she admits that “living without love is worse than dying.” Liz goes to confide in Father Collins, and he touches her shoulder in sympathy, which is probably a few days’ worth of masturbatory material for him.
Steve decides to quit frontin’ and breaks off his pseudo-relationship with Cara, and Liz breaks down and lets him the truth about Tricia. Steven heads straight to Tricia’s house, where they sob all over each other. He knows that “part of Tricia would stay with him for the rest of his life.” Ain’t it the truth! He’ll scarcely ever shut up about her from here on out.
As an aside: Jess cons Jeremy Frank, a temporarily disabled TV star, to let her on his show after nearly murdering him while Liz gets kidnapped by a deranged orderly! What will happen?
Other Notes:
- Please note that “love” did not actually “die” in this story. More false advertising!
- At the hospital, Jess remembers “how agonizing it had been to admit that she was just a teensy bit responsible” for Annie Whitman’s suicide attempt. What the flip—how is that referred to so casually? Then again, this is the series that made recuperating from a coma seem like no big.
- Cara whips out a six-pack at her intimate six-person party! Scandal! This is the most realistic thing I’ve ever read about in an SVH book.
- It’s in this book Jess sees her first accidental glimpse of a naked man.
- Liz and Todd’s cutesy couple talk is super gross. Observe this unnecessary exchange:
TODD: I can’t imagine Tricia with anyone but Steve. They seemed so perfect together.
LIZ: Like us, you mean?
TODD: Face it. Nobody is like us. If we were any crazier about each other, they’d have to send out the little men in the white coats.
LIZ: You’re so romantic, Todd. ::throws up::
Okay, that last action might’ve been mine.
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