And now: the continuation of the will-Liz-die-or-not? saga with Dear Sister, which sounds like a Lifetime movie. Considering that the series continues for 130some more books—not counting Sweet Valley University, Senior Year, etc.—my money’s on Liz’s going to survive. But this was 1984 with no spin-offs in sight, so our adolescent fear was real!
Thoughts on the cover: Jess doesn’t really look that sad, in my opinion. She doesn’t look much of anything, really, except in need of new bangs.
Liz is right where we left her in the last book: in a coma at the Joshua Fowler Memorial Hospital. Jess hovers over her sister’s bed, begging her not to die, and with good reason—If there’s no Liz, who’ll put up with Jess’s shit and cover her ass? In an effort to revive her sister, Jess recaps the entire series so far to Liz, who wakes up from her coma and demands a makeover, and that ain’t all. She wants a sexy hospital gown, flirts with the doctors, suddenly thinks reading is for losers, dresses like a prostitute, and treats boyfriend Todd Wilkins like a turd. In short, she’s just like Jessica, much to Jess’s horror. Yes, it’s true, y’all: Jess actually isn’t a d-bag in this story. Unfortch, it’s only because someone else is acting like her.
Liz wants to have a party in honor of her escaping death. The tables are turned and Jess gets stuck doing all the work while Liz goes gallivanting around the mall. The party is a success—except for Todd, who’s sad that Liz is all up on Ken Matthews, and Jess, who’s POed that she’s not getting any attention.
Post-party, Liz continues to coast down the highway to hell by failing her classes, hitting on other chicks’ boyfriends, blowing off BFF Enid Rollins, and getting Winston Egbert to do her homework (UNFORGIVABLE!). Todd mopes about and even gets a talking-to from his basketball coach regarding Liz. Why are all these teachers up in their students’ biz? Todd begins confiding his woes to Jess, who commiserates with him, and I think this would’ve been a great opportunity for Jess and Todd to have a torrid, woeful love affair, but alas. Just when I think that that stands a good chance of happening, Liz—gets this—drives up on the motorcycle belonging to Max Dellon, the lead guitarist of the Droids. Todd plucks her off the bike against her will and she tells him to sod off, yadda yadda.
Lila hosts a costume party, to which the twins go to as matadors (“sexy” ones!). Liz ends up dancing into the arms of Bruce Patman, who initially thinks she’s Jessica and he can’t believe his good luck when he realizes that he finally has the opportunity to conquer the other twin as well. She makes a date with him the same night she’s agreed to go out with Sweet Valley surfer Bill Chase, who’s randomly “always cared about Liz.” When Bill comes to pick Liz up for their outing, Jess seizes the moment and goes out with Bill, pretending to be her sister, natch. It turns out that Jess is still all sorts of pissed off because Bill didn’t want to go to some stupid dance with her once (he was probably sick of going to all the other school dances that took place of the preceding 364 days), so when Bill assumes that she’s Liz and starts going on and on about being in lurve with her, she tells him the truth.
Meanwhile, Bruce touches Liz’s boobies and plies her with wine in the bedroom of a beach house and is about the get farther with her than poor Todd ever did when she bonks her head during a fall and miraculously turns into her old self again. She slaps Bruce when he attempts to date rape her and then runs into the arms of Todd, who just so happens to be standing on the beach. They share “a deep, long kiss that she wished would last forever.” In SVH, they’re always kissing long and deep. And passionately—can’t forget that.
Other Notes:
- At the hospital, a neurosurgeon comes in the room and tells Jess how hot he finds them both (yes, even the coma patient). Then he shakes Jess, cups her face, ruffles her hair, and insists that Liz nearly dying isn’t her fault. This guy needs to go to the same therapy Mr. Collins should attend.
- Jess is the only Wakefield at Liz’s side when she’s in the coma. WTF, Ned and Alice? What better things could you two possibly be doing? (Possible hint?: At one point, they leave for “an evening of bridge”. Riiiight.)
- Jess raves to Liz about Danny Stauffer and his Trans Am, and goes on about how the car’s front seat reclines and slides back, and yet somehow she’s always surprised that dudes want to do more than kiss her.
- Liz calls Ken Matthews “All-American,” which makes Ken “blush attractively.” Just, ugh.
- Jess says that she’s “supposed to make sure Liz doesn’t leave the house after school.” Wakefield parents, do your fucking job!
- As a pointless subplot, some twelve-year-old twin girls (the imaginatively named Jean and Joan) come to stay with the Wakefields, which ruins Jess’s life even further. Blah, blah, all their scenes really are useless.
- So will Jess exact revenge on Bill and break his heart? Find out next time in the mysteriously named Heartbreaker!
Leave a Reply
Be the first to comment!