* Photo credit to The Closet * Rosa’s left boob seems to be growing right before my very eyes. Liz and Jess both look like Liz. What’s with all the excessive denim on the covers lately? Miss hearing about Pi Beta Alpha, the on-campus sorority?… Read More »#81 – Rosa’s Lie
* Photo credit to The Closet * This guy looks like a troubled soul/love interest in an episode of Party of Five or something. Ugh, and hands off, LIZ! I can’t stand how she constantly manages to find someone’s life to meddle in. Why do people… Read More »#79 – The Long-Lost Brother
* Photo credit to The Closet * Phoebe Cates! What are you doing on the cover of a Sweet Valley High book? Jay kay, that’s just Jean West, back from the gay boyfriend with her headband still intact. And the other gal is Ms. Quarterback… Read More »#78 – The Dating Game
* Photo credit to The Closet * So here we have Jess, clutching a hand mirror and wearing a dress that appears to resemble a ballet tutu I used to prance around the house in when I was five. Liz looks especially condescending and annoying,… Read More »#76 – Miss Teen Sweet Valley
* Photo credit to The Closet * Liz looks annoying again. I’m irritated by her glare, like she’s mad because someone behind her just caused her to miss the perfect photo op. Or shouted “The Oracle sucks!” or something else that only Liz would take… Read More »#73 – Regina’s Legacy
* Photo credit to The Closet * I find this cover horrifically boring, especially for a title that ends in an exclamation point. Is a picture of Jess’s squishy little heart-shaped face the best James Mathewuse could dream up? Here, some cover options, any of which… Read More »#71 – Starring Jessica!
* Photo credit to The Closet * Wow, I can’t get over how absolutely annoying Liz looks on this cover. I’m envisioning her sounding like that ASSHOLE in the game Dream Phone: “I know who it is, but I’m not telling. Ha. Ha.” Shun! Anyway,… Read More »#68 – The Love Bet
* Photo credit to The Closet * What’s this? A black person in Sweet Valley? This…this must be a mirage. The caption reads, “Patty’s life is falling apart. Can Elizabeth help?” Can she! Just you give her the chance! Liz is writing a new feature… Read More »#61 – Boy Trouble
* Photo credit to The Closet * Todd Wilkins and Liz look like they’re posing for an engagement picture. Liz looks like a slightly uncomfortable Baby Spice and Todd is so not sixteen. The two of them together look so boring. “Todd’s back and Elizabeth’s got… Read More »#59 – In Love Again
* Photo credit to The Closet * Olivia Davidson’s hair is out of control. I’m not gonna hate on her MASSIVE earrings because they look like something I would’ve worn when I was sixteen. But I’m so disturbed by her face. One of her eyes… Read More »#57 – Teacher Crush