* Photo credit to The Closet *
A broken Christmas ornament! This is evil!
It’s the season to be jolly, and at this point, Liz and Jess haven’t spoken to each other in roughly six months, since the Jungle Prom. That’s serious, considering they share a bathroom! Their parents, Ned and Alice, are cheerful, though, and make plans to go live it up in San Francisco around New Year’s. I’m shaking my head as I type. Where are social services? Even Liz thinks miserably, “They probably can’t wait to get away from their kids; they probably wish they’d never had us.” I can’t stress the word duh enough.
They twins are both struggling to get in the Christmas spirit, but it’s just not happening, considering they’re getting anonymous Christmas candy canes saying things such as, “Wreck the halls with bloody bodies.” Pleasant! Of course they’re from Margo, who’s skipping with evil glee through the hallowed halls of Sweet Valley High. She poses as Elizabeth several times and even fools Alice. Why am I not surprised? But Margo can’t trick Enid Rollins, but figures she’ll just kill Enid when she’s Liz. Oh, Margo. She also gets to feel up Liz’s numba-one stud Todd Wilkins and he suspects something ain’t right, but he just thinks Liz is acting weird or else he’s making out with Jess. Then again, who could predict that someone would become so obsessed with a Wakefield twin’s perfect life that she’d want to become one? This is quite depraved. Like they need bigger egos. Anyway, Margo slips in and out of the Wakefield residence and pretends to be Liz and blah blah.
James is still seeing Jess, but now he wants no part in Margo’s little scheme any more because he’s actually in love with the twin. Oh, good grief. You can tell he’s a reformed villain because now he’s trying to quit smoking. He tells Margo he wants out, and she swears she’ll kill him and her if he continues to see Jess, so he breaks it off with Jessica for her sake, and she’s ready to fling herself off a cliff in despair. But James decides that he’ll just leave town after he tells Jess the truth about Margo, but when he calls Jess to tell him to meet her, Margo overhears the convo. Oh noes! I’m getting tense!
Josh Smith is still stalking Margo in honor of his dead little brother, and finds out where she lives thanks to the catering service Margo worked at for the Fowler wedding. He overhears Margo talk about going to the marina, but it’s all part of her plan. She pretends to be Jess when she meets James, shoves him off a cliff, and Josh is conveniently there to pin the crime on, especially since Todd and the Wakefield twins arrive at that moment. Wow, two consecutively dead boyfriends, Jess. I would go on a man-fast if I were you. Josh is thrown in jail, but naturally outwits a cop and escapes. How is Josh just a teenager? And how is Margo so freaking smart? I’m almost jealous.
Ned and Alice abandon their officially traumatized children to go to San Francisco so Ned can interview for some consulting job, but they find out that it’s just a wild goose chase (orchestrated by Margo to keep them away!) and hurry home by literally planes, trains, and automobiles. Meanwhile, Liz keeps having dreams about what happened at the Jungle Prom, and from them realizes that Jess spiked her drink. Oh, whatever. She goes to Lila’s New Year’s party with Todd all pissed off and determined to hate Jess forever.
Margo, dressed exactly like Liz, lures her out to the pool house, where she surprises her with a knife. But instead of acting out her big plan, Margo goes into a big spiel of how and why and blah blah, giving Jess the opportunity to arrive in the nick of time and jump in front of the knife. She really cares for her sister after all! After some hoopla, Jess winds up with the knife, but of course can’t tell Liz and Margo apart—I actually laughed at this; how freaking classic. Then Josh Smith bursts in and pushes Margo out a window, and she gets a nice piece of glass in her throat. The end and Happy New Year!
Other Notes:
- The back cover reads, verbatim: “The twins aren’t speaking to each other. Sweet Valley is in chaos.” I hate this series.
- Margo keeps swearing to upgrade Liz’s life when she takes over—better friends, better clothes, better blippity blop. Why not just be Jessica then?
- Lila’s “signature” ice cream flavor is Million Dollar Mocha. Quelle surprise. Here I was, expecting Poverty-Ridden Pistachio.
- Jess expresses my sentiments exactly: “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it. [Margo] came all the way from Ohio to California to find [Liz]—to kill [Liz], to be [Liz]?” RIGHT?! That’s what we’re all saying!!
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