* Photo credit to The Closet *
I can’t believe not even a single blond strand from a Wakefield head of hair is gracing this cover. Instead, we get a werehand that is, I assume, meant to be spooky, but then why use that much pink? I will never understand any of the choices having to do with this series.
So the werewolf is still loose in London, and Liz is sure the killer is young Lord Robert Pembroke. The suspect is Jess’s rich, new boyfriend, who is conveniently M.I.A. Jess thinks Liz is just being a real bitch about things, which she is. They spend the majority of this book not talking; this fight is “the worst one ever.” Apparently Liz accusing Jess’s boyfriend of being a serial killer is worse than her actually killing him.
Anyway, Liz vows to put Robert behind bars. Luke Shepard, her co-worker at the London Journal (Liz’s latest conquest while Todd Wilkins waits like a chump for her back in Sweet Valley), gives her a silver bullet in addition to the werewolf amulet he’d given her to protect herself. This is not the late 1800s, so why is everyone operating as if the killer is 100-percent-for-real a werewolf? Are they all chugging Stupid Juice by the gallon? This is maddening.
Meanwhile, Jess vows to do her own sleuthing to actually clear Robert’s name and goes to the murdered Dr. Neville’s house, where she finds a file on “Annabelle S.” in which there are no records whatsoever. Mysterious!
A bunch of boring stuff happens then, like Liz finds the address to the home of Mildred Price, Robert’s old nanny, who winds up murdered the next day (way to go, Little Jinx). The twins’ room gets ransacked by “the werewolf,” and Liz finds a bunch of werewolf books given to Lord Pembroke from the aforementioned Annabelle. Then she asks Luke what the “A” on the back of the pendant meant and he said it was his mother Ann’s initial, and she is too fucking dumb to make any kind of connection, because Ann can’t possibly be short for anything.
Lord Pembroke is attacked and Jess pays him a visit at the hospital where he babbles incoherently about how Robert has a half-brother he doesn’t know about. So Jess weasels a chat out of Lady Pembroke, who confirms Lord Pembroke’s confession: Lord Pembroke knocked up Annabelle and supported the child—named Lucas—by giving him Lady Pembroke’s money as well as Robert’s former nanny, Mildred Price. Dun dun dun! Jess learns that Liz is heading over to Annabelle’s old place on Forget-Me-Not Lane to do more snooping—with Luke! More dun dun duning!
Liz and Luke break into Annabelle’s house just like all ethical journalists do. When Luke disappears into the basement, Liz pokes around the bedrooms and finds the walls covered in Pembroke-centric news clippings and the werewolf’s diary. Then the werewolf finds her and she realizes that Luke, “her love…was a madman. Luke was a werewolf of London”!
It turns out Luke’s pissed because he thinks everyone let his mother just die. He goes into his Scooby Doo speech just as Robert (who’d been lurking outside the twins’ dorm disguised as a homeless person to be on guard to protect Jessica) bursts in wielding a silver bullet and accompanied by Sergeant Bumpo and Rene Glize (her “project” in Cannes)! After a struggle for the gun, Luke winds up shot in the chest, they pull off his mask or something, and “like a candle being snuffed out, the light in Luke’s eyes flickered and died.” Why did Robert need a silver bullet to kill a boy in a wolf mask? Wouldn’t a regular one do? Still, it’s nice they humored him.
Robert’s considered a hero for his efforts and goes on to lead his privileged life. Lord Pembroke is super sorry about all that happened but insists, “We have to put the past behind us.” No use thinking about dead illegitimate sons any longer than we have to. Besides, Luke was poor, and the poor must die! Everyone knows that.
Liz sheds a tear or two for Luke, but she’s not that messed up over him despite that he was “her love.” (But she later recants that: “How can I say I loved him when I didn’t even know him?” The eternal question!) Besides, she’s got Rene, who’d been trailing her like a dog the whole book, desperate to protect her. And of course, she’s not that contrite over the irony that she’d openly declared that her sister’s boyfriend was the killer when it was, in fact, her own. You’d think if anyone shouldn’t convict someone of murder before a trial, it’s Liz.
Other Notes:
- This plot is getting so pedestrian—they were just about to be murdered six books ago. How do they not have complexes yet?
- Everyone’s names are making me want to hang myself: aspiring young actress Portia, crotchety Mrs. Bates, ball-busting Lucy Friday, and don’t get me started on the incompetent Sergeant Bumpo of Scotland Yard. I’m nauseous at the thought of actually inserting the twins into a pulpy, British murder-mystery story. Yeah, ghosties, it lends a real air of authenticity…at last.
- Liz gets pissed at Portia for trying to keep the peace between her and Jess. Giiirrrrrl, it’s annoying, right, this thing you do every fucking day of your life for everyone else back home in Sweet Valley?!
- Rene stalks Liz throughout the story but she never has time to hang out with him because she’s too preoccupied with Luke. Then, when she’s bored, she drops by his dorm unannounced and actually gets pissed that he’s not there, conveniently waiting for her to drop by. “So much for Rene wanting so badly to be my friend. … I can’t believe I actually wasted time feeling guilty because we weren’t seeing much of each other! … No, he’s never around when the chips are down.” I shun her so hard.
- Liz gets to drink tea with the Queen of England at Buckingham Palace. So gross.
- The best line of the book goes to Jessica: “I look hideous, I feel worse, I’m late for work. Oh, yeah, and the whole United Kingdom thinks my boyfriend is a werewolf.” That needs to be a tagline for a movie.
- Liz misses Todd exactly once in this story: “No matter how crazy I am about Luke, we’re from different worlds. He could never replace Todd.” This sentence is instantly followed by Liz recalling her first passionate kiss with Luke. Girl, I hate you so much.
- I want to know how Luke is tearing throats up from behind a rubber wolf mask. More logistics, plz!
- Newly appointed editor-in-chief Lucy Friday and crime editor Tony Frank literally realize they’re in love with each other the night Luke’s shot and get married the following Saturday. It’s embarrassing to read about adults acting like SVH students.
- I can’t even believe that not a single goddamn person was smart enough to talk like werewolves were imaginary.
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