Tetra hates when her husband Alien and I collaborate. “Separately you’re brilliant!” she says of our creative endeavors, but when we come together, awfulness ensues. She can’t stand the loathsome characters we’ve developed, such as Mona the Girl on Her Period and Big Long Dill Pickle, as well as our song “Turkana Boy.” However, even Tetra admits that the concept of Merman is solid: “You peaked at Merman.”
The birth of the superhero-in-quotation-marks Merman arose from a photo I took of Alien swimming in a pool and somehow looking like a merman trapped in a whirlpool. We found it hilarious enough to talk ad nauseum about it, until we developed the premise:
Merman, previously known as Alon Shugwart (“It’s French – sort of”), goes swimming in a pool in New Jersey in which toxic waste is being dumped, and his swim jams and his legs become his very weird fin. He has no superpowers, he’s just deformed. He can’t even swim anymore, but he wears goggles with a snorkel.
This Aquaman-esque character gets into normal everyday “drama,” and then the resolution to last issue’s story is resolved in the first panel of the next issue, and then immediately moves onto the next story (e.g., Issue 57: Did Merman accidentally eat a hair?!?!?! Issue 58: Yes.). Also, whereas many comic stories end with a “The End” in a little box in the right-hand corner, the word “MERMAN” (which should be announced in a deep, brave, Trojan-condom-esque trumpet of a voice) will serve the same purpose. And random passersby—a guy paying the bills, another mowing the grass—will be like, “That’s so Merman.”
Merman has pinup pics of Ariel on his wall and works in a pet store, even though he knows jack-all about fish. He does, however, have a goldfish sidekick, who urges Merman to pursue a real adventure or fight an actual catastrophe or solve a crime, but Merman is like, “I can’t. I have to organize my closet.” Then, in the last panel, a cataclysmic event unfolds quietly behind Merman.
Our hero is in love with Georgia O’Queef, a lesbian he doesn’t realize is a lesbian. The goldfish sidekick tells Merman about all the gay things GO’Q does, but he just doesn’t get it, even when GO’Q sticks her face in the goldfish’s bowl and murmurs, “You smell nice.” GO’Q suspicious girlfriend, whom we decided is based on Christina Ricci, is the pseudo villain who occasionally pops in to screw with Merman’s life.
But there is an actual super villain who has appointed himself Merman’s arch-nemesis: Rainbow Man, who trusts that his name is ironic and genius and cloaks his true evil nature from those who underestimate him. He believes that Merman actually is a superhero and so tries to defeat him at every turn. Merman is never the wiser because Rainbow Man’s plans always fail, yet Rainbow Man thinks Merman is the one who foiled him. Basically, the inspiration is part the villain from Super Retarded Dog, part every single Wiley Coyote cartoon ever.
Also, Rainbow Man has an apprentice named Spectrum Lad (a.k.a. Todd), a twelve-year-old boy who reads Merman comics (breaking the fourth wall!) and is very apathetic when it comes to doing anything else, including being an apprentice. Rainbow Man tries to teach Spectrum Lad how to be a villain, but the kid’s like, “Whatevs.” Going back to Looney Toons, it’s very Sylvester trying to teach his scrappy son how to catch mice, and the son’s like, “Oh, Dad! You cray.”
Meanwhile, there would be an overall story arch that would crop up every now and then, like Merman needing to go to the dentist—and in the last issue, when he finally does, and he is cavity-free. Tetra came up with our tagline: “You’re the best superhero never!”
Oh, Merman! Will anything ever become of thee?! We need to get the ball rolling on this so Matthew McConaughey can play Merman in the big screen adaptation.
P.P.S. Issue #44: Merman finds out he’s typical!
Question of the Week: What would make for an exciting Merman story line?
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9 Comments on "The Birth of Merman"
But how does Merman move around on land if he has a tail instead of legs? Does he hop around on his tail? Flop like a seal? Scoot on his butt?
What a fine question! I don’t remember if we ever decided how Merman gets around. Maybe his outward-reaching fins serve as floppy feet that move really fast (I’m thinking like Thumper from Bambi). Or maybe he tiptoes around on his fin tips. Maybe how he moves could change based on the issue!
Personally I find jumping around on his tail most amusing… sort of like a sack race, or his fellow superhero/merman ‘Mer-man’ from the Wonder Woman comics:
Also:
Haha — I can see that too! 🙂
The more awkward the better! I guess at some point Rainbow Man would try to exploit Merman’s difficulty in land-locomotion.
Also, who’s that guy in the gif?
It’s an episode from Ren & Stimpy called “Stimpy’s Cartoon Show” and was the first thing I thought of when you mentioned that Merman should hop around like he’s in a sack race!
Except that his hands are free, since he doesn’t have to hold up his sack (which is his tail). That said, Wonder Woman’s Mer-man did get around, way up a mountain…
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And pogo-hopping worked for Decepticon Rampage too…
Ha! I love WW’s Merman scaling a mountain side. (I promise the “scaling” pun was not intentional…at least not at first.) That’s impressive!