I was digitizing (a fancy word for me jumping up every thirty seconds from my chair to scan a new page) notebooks featuring old drawings and stories of mine. When I say “old,” I mean, they’ve been around for twenty-five years or more. I don’t know anyone who hangs on to their stuff like this! But it’s always been very important to me to do so—so I can make blog entries just like this!
My honey picked up a page I’d just scanned and decided to read it out loud with giggles and great drama: “‘LATEEVA!’ cried Lalina!” John Lithgow couldn’t have done a better job.
Immediately I knew what I was going to read to him before his Sunday nap: MORE BLOOD! It’s a little story I wrote in 1993 about mermaid sisters, and—spoiler alert—one is a murderer! Let’s get down to this loony tale and its half-assed illustrations before I give anything else away!
MORE BLOOD
Perhaps you might be wondering why mermaids would need basketballs and bouquets of flowers, but that’ll be enough out of you. Instead, why don’t you take note that I’d even used a stamp to add my own review of this story (in the color of blood, you’ll notice!)!
Being a successful flirt—definitely grounds for murder.
“Ha,” “ma”… This is young me trying to convey the tongue of an airhead.
So many thoughts already! No one at the party believes Lateeva’s sudden skedaddle is a touch mysterious? And where are the deetz re: Mista’s grisly demise? And what impact does rain have on mermaids who live at the bottom of sea, safely sequestered behind their seashell doors?
“Cheer up, see the sunny day” might be the least helpful thing to say upon hearing someone’s freshly dead.
“Lateeva” and “Ratina” aren’t the most mermaid-y of names, yeah? (But Mista Barracuda, I think we can agree, is relatively solid.) I think I was inspired by Ariel’s sisters being introduced like “AQUATA! (La la la!) ADEENA! (A ha ha!)” Okay, yeah, I don’t really know any of their names. They end in A and are sung though—that’s all we need to know.
Are you intrigued by the black box yet?!
Can you imagine accusing someone of murdering someone else and then just being all huffy—”Ugh, fine”—when they deny it? TEENAGERS!
Everything Lalina said was funny. She’s like Data from Star Trek: TNG.
LOL @ the “Killer’s Work.” Accolades to put on the fridge! Fit for framing!
Love at first stab! This is why I need to go back in time and get hired to title Sweet Valley High novels.
As a child, I wrote about sensual matters! She’s only seducing him to kill him, so it’s cool. Pine Cone was amused by the accompanying childlike drawing of a blonde mermaid with her seashell bra straps sliding suggestively off her shoulders: “There is such a disconnect between writing and image.” Maybe all erotica should be illustrated as such.
BEEP! I censored my own story before the FCC could! This just adds to the story’s authenticity and helps you more easily visualize this as a TV movie.
“People are shocked to know she’s single.” Is the narrator trying to set Ratina up in the middle of the story? What a unique technique.
“Killing the town, huh? Not anymore!” definitely needs to be said to homicidal villains more often. But the logistics in this scene are wacky. Didn’t Lateeva take the black box when she went to visit Recess (who I think was supposed to actually be “Reese,” but “Recess the Merman” has grown on me)? Then how is Ratina holding its contents? And is that a Laverne-esque applique vest that Ratina is wearing?
It’s hard not to enjoy the cheerful quality of this title to a chapter that flirts with sororicide.
A squad shell! My commitment to detail is unparalleled!
What a series of confusing events.
Hey, copper, save the sentencing for a jury!
“Hell,” they said. What a great final line! In fact, everything was perfect in every way except for the teensy issue that nothing made any sense. Good thing we have some post-story exposition to clear up not a thing!
“Is there a Lateeva Returns?” my honey asked when I finished reading this A-plus-plus tale. I thought I heard hope in his voice.
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