(Originally aired October 31, 1994)
And now: The plot of Dangerous Love and Dear Sister conjoined, condensed, and bastardized for morons!
Todd Wilkins has got a bike! Actually, he’s borrowing it from a friend, but he is debating getting one. It’s been his dream 4eva, as you know. There’s still the Wakefield house rule about never riding a motorcycle, but what do we care about that? The twins don’t even have parents in this show!
Jess tells some long-faced rando that she’s hot for his biceps and she leaves the Moon Beach Café with him in the Jeep, stranding Liz, who’s peeing her pantz about needing to get to the Oracle office tout suite. She’s so desperate to turn her column in that she pushes aside her fear of motorcycles and—Wakefield parents be damned!—gets on the bike with Todd. Cue the motorcycle driving montage, which is ruined by a drunk driver in a pickup swerving all over the road while guzzling a brewskie. He nearly hits them before driving off, and Liz and Todd go flying off the bike and sail through the air. Upon seeing Liz’s limp, bloody body, Todd screams “LIZ!” in the lamest, most emotionless shriek ever.
So yeah: Liz is in a coma now and Jess blames herself, but still treats Todd like the scourge of the earth. They argue in front of Liz’s comatose body until Liz starts flat lining, and Jess and Todd cling to each other. Jess has a seriously ugly face when she’s crying. I know it’s not the most attractive expression a person can have, but it really is downright frightening. I must, however, give her props for even HAVING an expression, considering Todd’s face never changes once. Where did they get this joker??
Liz lives to show up at school three weeks later in a leather skirt, sashaying down the hallway and ignoring Todd and Enid Rollins. Bruce Patman greets her with a “I’ve never seen you look so healthy!” (BTW: Bruce has an SVH blazer. I WANT ONE TODAY.) Liz tells Todd that he’s so yesterday and spends her days rubbing up on various other male specimens, including Mr. Long Face Biceps, which pisses off Jess. She confronts her sister, but Liz just laughs her off.
While Todd wallows in his cardboard misery at the Moon Beach Café, Liz and Bruce French in the parking lot. Lila Fowler sees them and makes the big announcement inside, to which Todd exclaims, “I’m gonna kill that guy!” (How many episodes does that make?) Bruce and Todd resort to fisticuffs outside and I enjoy watching Bruce punch Todd in the gut.
Now, bear with me on this part: Liz is so upset that she throws Jess in front of a car, which stops on a dime before it hits her, and that causes Liz to shun her wild-child ways. Liz sobs and begs for forgiveness, while Jess is the picture of wise, Jesus-Christy-calm-benevolence, despite that she nearly died. Liz looks around in a panic, and Jess smiles and says, “He’s inside” (but how would she know? She’s been laying on the ground!). Liz goes inside and Todd makes her grovel for a bit but in the end he forgives her because she loves him. The episode ends with Liz and Todd smooching and me vomiting.
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