Artistic Liecense 003: “The Parting of Lot and Abraham.” c. 432-40.

The Parting of Lot and Abraham. c. 432-40.

The situation was really turning West Side Story on the set of Camptown Middle School’s rendition of Romeo and Juliet, no thanks to Mr. Thayne, the school’s English teacher, and Mr. Grant, the music teacher. Both were part of the New Camptown Ensemble, an acting troupe that wanted so badly to perform history’s great dramas yet had to resort to holding zany improv nights to raise money to do so, and both had wanted to direct the play. Principal Hamlin, eager to get back to her sodoku, suggested that the two work on it together.

It was not a great solution. Grant’s vision involved setting the play in a coke-fueled ‘80s night club during the last days of disco, and Juliet, played by church-going eighth grader Hailey Marker, would commit suicide via overdose on a crowded dance floor while glitter rained down from the sky. Conversely, Thayne wanted no sets and no costumes (the students were to wear paper bags) and preferred a stripped-down version of the play to fully emphasize the beauty of the play’s language. The teachers spent most rehearsals arguing, unable to strike a happy medium. And so the play looked less like either man’s idea and more like half the bored adolescent actors slouching and slumping around, and the other half grunting and hopping around like something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

“Hey.” The kid playing Tybalt nudged Hailey Marker and gestured with the crown of his head toward the door. “Me and some of the Montagues are going to the creek. Owen has beer. You wanna come?”

Hailey fingered the crucifix that hung from her neck and glanced at the warring directors, who were now flinging props hither and thither as they shrieked at each other. Owen—her Romeo—fidgeted impatiently by the door, shaking his bowl cut out of his eyes. Why not? Hailey thought. Tossing rocks in the creek while tossing back a few could be fun. Not that she’d ever had a drink before, but if anything could drive anyone to alcoholism, it was this damn play.

The Capulet cousins sneaked out the door undetected, leaving not-so-fair Verona behind.

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