Teen book series like Sweet Valley High made Young Me think high school was a magical time and place. Actually experiencing it myself changed my mind, and it only seems to get worse and worse. (See: Gun violence, cyberbullying, and your friends Snapchatting a butt where your face should be and sending it to your crush). (Side note: I have no idea how SnapChat works.)

Those aforementioned teen book series and shows like Beverly Hills 90210 really set me up for failure. They had me believing the high school experience was all about attractive young people hanging out with other attractive young people and going on adventures and being totally free and completely unchaperoned.

To my younger self, being a teenager seemed like The Life. You were no longer a child and could now do grown-up things, like drive and have sex. But you weren’t grown up enough to live a life full of taxes, golf, and jobs where you have to wear a pantsuit. Seriously, no fate seems less joyless than that of an adult in a 1980s TV show starring teenagers.

High school is like the trapped-in-a-confined-space-with-conflicting-personalities sitcom trope (which I also love—especially when it’s paired with a power outage). Picture it: All those different people are crammed together in the same space at the same time. They’re experimenting on and with each other, trying not to let anyone else discover how screwy they really are. Oh, what melodrama! The scene is set!

My Teen Book Series

Being a budding writer since at least first grade, I made several attempts throughout my life to pen my own teen book series starring white, over-privileged teenagers. The last time I really tried, all the responsibilities of being fifteen years old got in the way. I called this effort—wait for it—Fallen Angels. And it didn’t even feature a vampire!

The story did, however, provide a home for atrociously named characters, such as Prosperity and Cymanda. According to the character description document I created, these folks have traits such as “REALLY snobby,” “soulful brown eyes,” and “wants Angela, like….a LOT.” This document is 32 pages of me assigning heights, weights, religions, quotes, and songs to these people. I probably devoted more time and effort to describing them instead of writing the actual story (which is two pages longer, not counting the title page, where I blew up Fallen Angels to font size 100 and put it in a dramatic red font—just another step in the writing process).

The first (and the only) story in this teen book series introduces the readers to a few sophomores, juniors, and seniors from the imaginary Blue Crest High. They all congregate at a party where there’s not an adult within a forty-mile radius. I really should reread what I wrote literally more than half my life ago and post some of the choicest excerpts.

But for now, I’ll divulge some of my plans for future books! Yes, this, too, was part of my writing process. I would assemble soundtracks, change font colors, and write back-cover blurbs for when my unwritten books would all go to print in no less than five languages. How did get 35 pages written at all?!

Here you have it: A sneak peek at the long-neglected Fallen Angels book series, original wording preserved! Enjoy!

FALLEN ANGELS!!!!1

BROKENHEARTED: Emily has sworn off dating…forever! She can’t understand why people fall in and out of love or why people get married and then get divorced. Then she suddenly feels really different around her good friend David Morrison. Could this be the dreaded “L” word? [Given the events taking place in this blurb, this title makes very little sense.]

SECRETS: The girls are planning a major slumber party! Great! Fun, food, Truth or Dare…Hear the gang as they tell why they think guys reek. [This omnipotent narrator has adopted a rather casual tone.]

RAGE: Noelle is furious! Jarett Lansing, major nerd, asked her out and she turned him down. Then Jarett finds out about her love triangle and starts to blackmail Noelle! How can Noelle possibly get out of this one? [The title might be a bit too extreme for this premise.]

THE HORROR HOUSE: It’s nearing Halloween and everyone’s in the spirit because of one thing: the old vacant mansion on Clover Ave. Chad Davies dares five girls and five guys to go in the house at night on Halloween. They accept because they think it’s just a bunch of junk. But do they have the same attitude when they get trapped in there? [Just a bunch of junk! I think these kids are going to learn a very important lesson during this bottle episode!]

IDENTICAL: Candy really loves her twin sister, and Belle is completely devoted to her. Then Candy hooks up with Darren Fault. Belle [hates Darren] because she thinks Darren takes up all her sister’s time. But when she goes out with Darren herself, she understands how wrong she can be! [Clearly I am awful with titles.]

SWEET REVENGE: Candy is absolutely furious at Belle. How could her sister do something so spiteful to her twin? Candy and the girls are cooking up something to punish Belle…it’s called revenge. [Mon dieu!]

P.S. I’m pretty sure I can link all of those plots to their Sweet Valley High counterpart. Sorry, Francine Pascal! ♫You bring feeling to my life, you’re the in-spir-aaaation…♫

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