* Photo credit to The Closet *
Whereas Liz’s diary just confirms that she’s an a-hat, Jess’s diary establishes that she has a soul after all. Sure, she’s arrogant beyond belief (“I have a great body—there’s no point in denying it!”), but that was nothing that we didn’t already know. And Jess’s diary is way, way more fun than Saint Liz’s, which is filled with inner turmoil and obnoxious “How can I cheat on the man I love?” questions.
But enough about that. Here’s a secret diary confession of my own: I LOVED THIS BOOK. For real real, not for play play. There is so much awesomeness to quote.
Jess and her BFF Lila Fowler happen to overhear Liz and her boyfriend, the infamous Todd Wilkins, having a major row about—what else—Todd being possessive because Liz is being a douche. It turns out that Liz is blowing off Todd to go to the movies with her ex, Jeffrey French, and Todd wants Liz to never see the guy again and Liz gets indignant and they break up. Jess tries to comfort Liz with some sage wisdom, but Liz rebuffs her: “Maybe you’ve dated every guy in Sweet Valley, but you don’t know anything about real love.” Au contraire, sister dear! There has been a great love of Jess’s life, and wouldn’t he just make your jaw drop!
That night, the phone rings around midnight and it’s Todd—calling for Jess! He pleads to come over and Jess changes into a sexy nightie (“The nightgown was pale blue and flimsy, with delicate spaghetti straps and lots of lace… As the cool, sensuous fabric touched my bare skin, I shivered pleasurably.” EEP!). Todd climbs the trellis and into her room like he’s been doing it all his life (EEP!) and tells her she looks “gorgeous.” Then he begs Jess for a second chance and gives her “a kiss that promised passion, devotion, and more” and tells her to think about it. EEP! I basically “eeped” my way through this entire book. So, to gain some clarity on the situation, Jess breaks out her journal and begins reading…
Hold the phone—a second chance? Yes, it turns out that Jess and Todd became just a little more than pen pals after he moved to Vermont during the following books:
40 – On The Edge
41 – Outcast
42 – Caught In The Middle
43 – Hard Choices
44 – Pretenses
45 – Family Secrets
46 – Decisions
47 – Troublemaker
48 – Slam Book Fever
49 – Playing For Keeps
50 – Out Of Reach
51 – Against The Odds
52 – White Lies
53 – Second Chance
54 – Two-Boy Weekend
55 – Perfect Shot
56 – Lost At Sea
But let’s talk about Jess sans the Wilkins boy for a bit. Remember when she tortured Lila about her birthday for funsies? Well, this book finally makes her seem like less of a douchebag about it, and she actually says some sweet stuff about her oldest pal and rival: “This will be a birthday she’ll remember forever. And Lila deserves that, you know?… This party’s special because it’s in honor of the beautiful, talented, one-in-a-million Lila Fowler, my best friend.” And there is an instance where she has a moment of doubt:
“I’m not so sure anymore that I’d doing the right thing. What if Lila gets so depressed that she jumps out a third-floor window at Fowler Crest or packs up and moves to New York or something? I finally went through the trouble to put myself in her shoes and realized that if she were doing this to me, I’d be incredibly hurt (as well as furious).”
Okay, so it could’ve been phrased in a less bratty way, but still. I just had to go into that because I was so pissed reading about it in the original series. BWA—and I had to die when she talked about Mr. Collins:
“Observation of the day: Mr. Collins is a god… His voice is so incredibly sexy. And those bright blue eyes, and that fantastic body… He’s too good looking to be a teacher, I’m telling you. I guess I’m glad I don’t write for The Oracle like Elizabeth. He’s the advisor, and she’d always in the newspaper office alone with him, and I just wouldn’t trust myself. I’d probably lose control and jump him!… I hope he stays single so I’ll have a chance at him when I’m older!”
All right, let’s get to Reason Number One why I loved this book: We finally get insight into her relationship with the long-forgotten A.J. Morgan. It’s actually sort of charming that the first boy who ever really makes Jess fall and settle down (for about five books but still) is this shy, redheaded army brat from Georgia. Anyway, we at last get the conversation between A.J. and Jess that was denied to us in Playing for Keeps, when Jess tells A.J. she really is “Biggest Flirt.” Then they go up to Miller’s Point and set the backseat aflame.
But let’s get back to Jess and Todd! He writes her a casual letter just sayin’ “hey” (the question as to why he would ever do this is never addressed) and Liz doesn’t get one—ha-ha! So Jess has a fun time torturing her sister by reading Todd’s letter out loud and then pausing every ten seconds to say, “I shouldn’t bore you with this.” Tee hee. Jess writes back as to not be rude, and then their “breezy, epistolary” letters start increasing in depth, emotion, and frequency. They really open up to each other and reveal all their vulnerabilities, and he even makes her a mix tape! Anyone who was ever a teenager knows that this is serious biznazz.
Jess finds herself thinking “ABOUT TODD ALL THE TIME,” in all caps no less, and while she’s with A.J., the poor dude. But then! Along comes Reason Number Two: Todd calls Jess and tells her he wants to come visit her from Vermont and only her and in secret. He’d stay in a hotel, it’s so secret! Oh, my loins are exploding. I’m like, having a baby over here. Then she totes has a sex dream about him!:
“In my dream, Todd came to Sweet Valley… but for some reason while he was here, Todd ended up staying at my house! He was sleeping in Steven’s room, and we had to do incredible gymnastics to keep my parents and Elizabeth from finding out… So there was Todd, right down the hall from me. And in my dream, at night when the rest of my family was asleep, he’d sneak into my room and…I don’t think I can write it—I’m blushing just thinking about it. Let’s just say it was intensely romantic. I haven’t done anything like that even with A.J.!
Incredible gymnastics! Jesus, now I’m going to go off and have sex dreams about Todd Wilkins.
Jess and A.J. break up, and then Todd arrives in Sweet Valley, and they make small talk and then they make out oh so passionately:
“Things were getting serious. I’d taken off my seat belt too, but I was far from ready to get out of the car. Todd and I were locked in a heated embrace, our bodies melting together. I ran my hands up his back under his shirt; his fingers were tangled in my hair. The kiss deepened—if I’d had my way, it would never have ended.”
Pine! I’m really not even giving a thought to Liz’s feelings, but unfortunately, Jess and Todd ultimately do. They feel like they’re betraying Liz, and the horror really sets in when Lila catches them eating dinner together, but Jess pretends she’s Liz, but that wasn’t smart either… Blah blah, she wriggles her way out of it, whatever. Anyway, Todd and Jess’s passion for each other starts to fizzle when they realize deep at heart they’re just not compatible. Fortunately, they muffle their doubts with more making out. They part ways, knowing that nothing more will ever come of their love thanks to that no good Elizabeth. Hmph. Jess and Todd as a couple would’ve been interesting. (Their pseudo-relationship during Liz’s trial doesn’t count.)
BUT THEN! Along comes Reason Number Three and it makes my heart fly like an eagle into the future. I have spoken about my disappointment in the missed opportunities presented in Lost at Sea between Jess and Winston Egbert and THANK CHRIST THEY’RE MENTIONED! So Jess and Winston fall off the boat and get stranded on an island alone together, and upon being rescued Jess writes, “I found myself seeing Winston in a whole new light. He’s really kind of attractive in a skinny, rumpled, goofy kind of way…”:
“I smiled at Winston and he smiled back. For the first time I noticed that he had really beautiful eyes with long curly lashes. He had a nice straight nose and a strong chin. His lips weren’t bad either. I found myself wondering. What would it be like to kiss him?… I leaned my shoulder against his. Winston wrapped an arm around me. When he spoke, his voice was husky. “Jessica,” he began…. He brought his face down to mind. He’s tall, so it took a few seconds. We were just about to kiss when…”
They get fucking rescued! Of all the luck. Oh dearie me though. I’m dismayed that Jess gets to “keep her cool” and can’t condescend to kiss Winston, but I still need about ten cold showers after that excitement.
Jess’s diary comes to a close, and she realizes that she and Todd can never be, and besides, by the time she gets up at noon, Todd and Liz are snuggling together on a lawn chair, their fight forgotten. That’s sort of douchey of Todd. And Liz and Todd are like, “Let’s never take each other for granted again!” Um, that wasn’t what your damn fight was about, but whatever, I don’t care. Jess almost Frenched Winston!
Other Notes:
- “The best is when we get to visit Steven at Sweet Valley University, where he’s a freshman… He takes us to parties, which is a blast, but he’s pretty protective—he jumps on anybody who even thinks of offering us a beer.” Whaa? When did this happen? Oh, right, never.
- Re: Regina Morrow: “She wouldn’t have been at the party with Justin Belson in the first place is she hadn’t been totally bummed because Bruce Patman blew her off to go out with Amy Sutton.” THANK YOU, JESSICA. Why did it take so long for someone to point that out?
- Jess admits that Enid Rollins is a “really pretty girl”!
- WTF? Jess says she only goes on one date with Bruce Patman. I don’t care what kind of continuity problems usually plague the books—who can let slide anything that happens in the first seven?
- I think every secret diary is a secret diary when it involves a twin making out with a boy on her bed.
- I do like Jess’s ridiculous, Bruce-Patman-esque inner monologue:
- “I’ll prove once and for all that Jessica Wakefield is the true mistress of deceit.”
- “My profile is stunning, if I say so myself.”
- “I was glad that Enid wasn’t my problem and that my friends had more consideration than to dampen my premiere by breaking up with their boyfriends!”
- “I consider myself smart and strong, but what if I had a real problem?”
- Oh God. Just when you thought it was safe, Jess writes a poem:
My heart is heavy
Heavy as cement
Heavy as a tire iron. I would tear it out
Of my body
But I’ll need it if
You ever smile at me again. - Let’s go out on more A.J. smooching!: “I gave him an earthshaking kiss as promised, and the poor boy practically passed out… Our lips met, softly at first, and then the kiss got hotter and deeper. I was on fire from head to toe. I could feel A.J.’s body tremble. ‘Wow,’ he gasped when we parted at last. ‘I think you just liquefied every bone in my body, Jess.’” Well, all but one.
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