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Dramobil: A Playmobil Soap Opera: Part 1

In 2011, Lolo came to visit me at The Mansion, and the following activities took place:

  • Watching “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose” and eating Hamburger Helper made with broccoli and soy crumbles, which Lolo said tasted “like America”
  • Meeting her parents in Bloomsburg, where they gave me a million hugs and bought me a sandwich
  • Attending Easter lunch at my parents’, where my mom and dad insisted we play with their new pride and joy – their dartboard – in the garage while it rained (Lolo was like, “Oh, I haven’t played since I was ten!” yet was getting bulls-eyes all over the place.)
  • Trying to figure out what to do with the three snow-white, My Little Pony-sized kittens that were living on my porch (Lolo called the Griffin Pond Animal Shelter to ask if it’d accept them, but the shelter said they’d just off them.)
  • Taking a ghost walk

(Beforehand, we were cracking ourselves up, imagining all the ways our guide, Jerry, who said he’d meet us wearing a hooded robe and holding a lantern, would materialize. Maybe he’d rise up from a manhole! Or fly in like a bat and then turn into a person! Or perhaps rush over, still wearing a McDonald’s uniform because he just got off the clock!

However, Jerry actually awaited us in front of a pizza shop, which he said was the red light district of the days of yore. He then walked us around Scranton, telling us about women who jumped to their doom when escaping from a burning factory and the plague that killed off all the city’s teenagers in 19something, and he pointed out where a chick cracked her head off the Radisson Hotel floor.

Jerry the Guide was something of a Renaissance man; in between telling us about all sorts of gore and history, he talked about how he delivered two babies, worked at some turquoise/silver factory, made his own beer/wine, etc. He did it all. He also ranted a bit about Scranton’s government.)

  • Eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts (The crème-filled banana one with vanilla wafer crumbles almost made me care about doughnuts.)
  • Watching Just One of the Guys, which Lolo had never seen before (I may need to ask of more people, “Where do you get off having tits?!”)
  • Making a trip to Toys ‘R Us, looking for weird Playmobil but finding none (She did laugh at a Playmobil 1-2-3 character on a giant snail. I wish she got to work that way.)
HEE

My brother and I grew up with Playmobil toys. When he was three, my brother got the Playmobil pirate ship for Christmas and cited his favorite of the pirates as “the green one.” Eventually, the Playmobil collection came to include cowboys, Eskimos, and Civil War soldiers. (My brother doesn’t recall this, but when we were kids, I was watching TV downstairs with my mom, and my brother, at about four or five years old, was playing at his play table with his Playmobil cowboys. Then all of a sudden, he bursts out [on behalf of one of the cowboys], “I’M A WILD AND CRAZY BASTARD!” My mom and I whipped our bug-eyed heads around so fast you wouldn’t believe. Ah, makes me laugh.)

We had a Playmobil train set with a track that annually rode around the base of the Christmas tree. My mom even made her own DIY Playmobil manger scene using felt, hot glue, cardboard, and parts from other sets.

When I was seven, I received one of my favorite Christmas presents: The Playmobil Victorian dollhouse. The accompanying accessories and furniture provided family members with endless gift ideas. I used to make my own trinkets for the house. Just take a look at these tiny books:

I was creative, but traditional; I always set things up the same way, with the furniture in the same spots. It never occurred to me to disassemble the figures and piece them back together in new ways. I didn’t even have characters using items that weren’t theirs—not even a hat was switched!

I played with the same figures, which I’d declared were part of the family who lived there, and each one had his or her own personality. Ugh, I miss immersing myself in make believe like that, where I move toys around and talk out loud to myself and a story unfurls without thought or hesitation. I’m sad that that’s a part of me that seems to be lost.

102. Dramobil: A Playmobil Soap Opera: Part 1

But anyway! During Lolo’s visit, we got the idea to assemble and furnish that same dollhouse. We gathered up the boxes from my parents’ basement and set to piecing it all together on The Mansion’s rickety dining room table. Lolo kept gasping about how involved/detail-intensive the process was. (“Don’t forget, every window needs a flower bed!” “What?! Oh my God!”) The decorating was the fun part. As previously mentioned, I usually set up the dollhouse a certain way, so it was fascinating to see what Lolo did with the place.

We had lots of fun characters roaming about, like the mermaid with the astronaut helmet, some ineffectual guards (wielding a pizza, spoon and trumpet), and a clown band with a maniacal lead singer brandishing a machine gun. I called this project—oh yes, of course it was a project; nothing can ever be just simple, humble fun!Dramobil!

The premise of Dramobil was to have all these wacky folks hanging out in and around the mansion and getting into bizarre shenanigans. However, I admit I didn’t invent most of the shenanigans: Tetra, Alien, and The Consultant did. In fact, it was the boys who were most passionate about playing with the dollhouse and coming up with all the histrionics and fantastical qualities I could ever ask for. I mostly hovered around them, laughing and writing everything down.

And so! I resurrect for you the first storyline of Dramobil! Observe the madness yourselves!

DRAMOBIL!!!1

One day, Lipis and his stalwart companion/navigator Jink decided to take a relaxing drive through the countryside with their beloved dog Oh Belvedere. They expected absolutely nothing out of the ordinary to occur.

But their conversation regarding various stuff and things was cut unexpectedly short when they came upon a Union Soldier and a French Maid in flagrante delicto in the middle of the road.

The Union Soldier was quite irate at the sudden interruption. The French Maid observed her lover with admiration as he brandished his pistol and threatened the lives of innocent motorists.

In his haste to reverse and escape, Lipis nearly backed over the whip-wielding Dominae Twist.

Dominae Twist had been in the midst of dominating The Apparition, who was holding a hot pepperoni-mushroom-pepper pizza.

Meanwhile, the Apparition was spanking a Blond Lady with the pizza…

…and the Blond Lady was consorting with a second Blond Lady…

…while the neighborhood Pimp was having his own fun.

The Painter captured the scene with his acrylics and admonished them for doing too much wriggling.

Lipis and Jink turned to each other, wearing identical expressions of undisguised horror. What kind of madness had they stumbled upon?

However, before Lipis and Jink could escape, Dominae Twist tickled Jink’s protrusive Adam’s apple with her whip.

“You don’t really think you can nearly run me over and leave, do you?” she asked. “Because I’ve got plans in store for you.”

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNN!

Hold tight to your knickers—more Dramobil excitement to come!

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Well, now I need to know what happens next. But what went on before amuses me as well. Who would have ever thought that your Playmobil toys would get fame in this way? And I doubt that you really lost your innocent imagination and story telling in your own head. Shaking my head at how you even came to think that for a moment. But as a Mom, I sure am glad I didn’t know all the other crazy thoughts that swirled about in there. I am happy that your Victorian House has memories imprinted upon it and someday you… Read more »

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