* Photo credit to The Closet *
SVU’s Love, Lies and Jessica Wakefield be damned—this book convinces me that Jess lost her virginity to a vampire.
So Jess and Jonathan are still making out, and his gaze is traveling “down her face, lingering on the rounded neckline of her blue silk dress.” Oh my stars! He gives up resisting her and looks at her with fire in his eyes “as he slammed the door shut and blew out the candles, roughly pulling her toward him in the darkness.” Doin’ it, and doin’ it, and doin’ it well. When Jess says he could use her mother’s interior decorating skills to spiff up his somber, creepy mansion, he’s like, “I could use your mother for a few other things as well, like disciplining you.” Spank her, Jonathan! No, spank me! There’s lots of “groaning with pleasure,” and Jessica whispers, “I want to belong to you.” I represent Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn.
But Jess leaves the house in tears since Jonathan keeps being cryptic and mysterious with her, and he claims he can’t be involved with her. Enid Rollins, who has recently turned goth, takes this opportunity to sneak into Jonathan’s house (she’d been lurking outside, like a true stalker), and he rewards her with a massive, ugly hickey. Ugh, I feel so bad for Enid in this trilogy—she’s depicted as more pathetic and repulsive than usual in her gothic get-up. When does the girl ever get a break? At least she gets an orgasm. Just listen to this:
Enid sat in tense anticipation as he teased her with his lips, sucking so gently that she could barely feel the pressure. She squirmed in frustration and clawed at his back, silently begging for more. Then she felt his lips clamp down on her skin, and she moaned softly… The blood whirled in her veins, blotting out the world around her. All she could hear was a roaring in her ears and the beating of their two hearts together. It was a communion that she had never imagined possible. “Jonathan,” Enid gasped. “Don’t stop.” Closing her eyes, she lost herself in the liquid fire running through her and the pulsing of their hearts. She felt her body get lighter and lighter and the world get whiter and whiter. Enid swooned in ecstasy as the whiteness turned into blackness.
I think I read all that with my mouth hanging open. Did the ghostwriter write that one-handed?
Meanwhile, Liz is going into cardiac arrest because the news just said a blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenage corpse was found at Lake Secca and she thinks it’s Jessica. She’s also upset because her boyfriend Todd Wilkins caught her in an embrace with her secret summer fling / college guy Joey Mason. Todd wants nothing to do with her and refuses to hear her out, and she’s like, “Fine, we’ll talk later! But right now we’ve got to help Jessica!” The stones on this girl. Thankfully, Todd’s all, “Get your other boyfriend to help,” and she does—Joey takes her to Lake Secca, where Liz rushes past police lines but is excused because she’s a fucking Wakefield, and of course the body isn’t Jess’s—it’s just some useless, unimportant Palisades High kid—but Liz literally passes out anyway.
Jess makes Jonathan homemade chicken soup and takes it over to him when he tells her he’s sick and can’t see her, but then she finds him making out with Enid and she flings the soup all over him. To you from me, Pinky Lee! It’s enough to make her cry up against lockers, wondering, “Jonathan…how could you betray our love?” BARF. Jonathan kicks Enid out while staring at Jess with anguish, and Enid leaves in tears. So many broken hearts! Then Jess’s cat mysteriously dies, having been drained of blood, so things just keep getting better and better. Ah, Kitty, you had a good run—one and a half books.
Back to Liz. Todd tells Liz he never wants to talk to her again and starts acting out by dying his hair, wearing all black, hittin’ on chicks, and hanging out with Bruce Patman. With Maria Slater’s help, Liz puts together a pros and cons list of Joey and Todd’s qualities and Joey wins out, but only based on recent events and behavior that Liz caused. I like how she chooses to ignore that. So she chooses Joey, but she starts realizing that he’s sort of a self-centered jerk. Still, she keeps dating him anyway, and he thinks he’s surprising her by taking her to all the local spots in Sweet Valley, like Miller’s Point and the Dairi Burger, as if she hasn’t lived in that town her whole life. And in the midst of all her angst, Liz—who’s been completely blowing off Enid—approaches her friend for the first time in weeks to give her shit about seeing Jonathan. Puh-lease! Ugh, give me strength.
Since all these dead teens keep popping up, the city council declares a 10 p.m. curfew for everyone younger than eighteen. Immediately, Bruce wants to throw a party, at Jonathan’s place, without his consent. RUDE! Bruce is too rich manners. Anyway, Liz goes to keep an eye on Jessica and Joey’s pissed that she didn’t invite him. Amy Sutton‘s cousin Katrina is visiting from San Francisco, and Todd and her hit it off and it makes Liz want to die. Shut up, hypocrite. Have I ever mentioned that I can’t stand Liz? Jess sneaks away and awaits for Jonathan “to admit his love” to her in an upstairs bedroom (for real real) when all the electricity goes out. Liz begs Todd to help her find the fuse box (smh—I hate her) and when the lights come back on, everyone starts screaming, because Katrina’s all dead and stuff, meaning the killer’s in the house! Who it could be?
Other Notes:
- Lake Secca sounds like it should totally have its own sea monster.
- Why are all these visiting cousins always allowed to hang around the school? Why would they want to?
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