* Photo credit to The Closet *
On this cover, we have Daphne Zuniga scolding some kid while Elizabeth and Todd float in a cloud. Was this really the best way the art and marketing team thought to convey the events of this story?
A Plot: Jess is head over heels for her new boyfriend, James; he listens while she blathers on for hours about herself and even goes shopping with her. It’s then you start to realize just how boring Jessica Wakefield really is. To spice things up, James attempts to push Jessica over a cliff. But then he saves her at the last minute. You see, it was just to test how much she really trusts him. I’ll have to try that one sometime.
As we have already learned, James puts up with Jess’s self-absorbed chatter because Mandy (a.k.a., Margo!) is paying him two grand to find out everything about the twins. However, James starts to fall in love with Jess (obvs), and he begins to regret getting into cahoots with “Mandy,” especially when she reveals herself to be totally deranged by breaking glass in her bare hands and getting blood all over the table at Kelly’s. (I bet that fine, upstanding establishment has never seen that before!)
In other twin-related news, the girls are actually getting along! But then Liz finds one of Todd Wilkins’ recent letters full of pining for her in Jess’s room, and she gets pissed off all over again. Liz confronts Jess, “Why do you want to hurt me even more?” Um, remember that time you killed your sister’s boyfriend, Liz? Besides, Liz and Todd are back together and more in love than ever anyway, so stop whining, Liz.
Plot B: Winston Egbert’s parents go away, leaving the house in his care. Winston thinks he’ll be spending the week living it up and eating peanut-butter-and-sardine sandwiches (okay, we get it, Winston—you’re wacky), but then his neighbor leaves her baby, Daisy, with him, says “BRB,” and doesn’t return from Central America in a prompt fashion. Winston, naturally, has no clue what to do, so plenty of child-care antics ensue, like Winston bringing Daisy to school in a duffel bag. But with the aid of his girlfriend, Maria Santelli, and about a million cheerleaders, he learns how to perfect his kid-rearing skills. (And of course, while all the girls are coddling the baby, they’re like, “What is up with Jessica lately?” because everyone in Sweet Valley has been programmed to mention the twins at least once every half hour or else they’ll all explode.) Even Lila Fowler has a turn at babysitting and attempts to teach the baby to say “Charge it” and “Porsche.” (“I’m not sure which would be worse for my reputation—having people see me with a duffel bag, or with a baby,” says Lila.)
Plot C: In addition to masquerading as Mandy, Margo disguises herself as dark-haired Marla Field and goes to work at Little Darlings Day-Care Center. Please recall how much Margo loves children [1] [2]. This time Margo is hanging around the kiddies because she figures that a few big-mouthed brats will give her the scoop on the Wakefield family. This makes no sense, but if the newspapers report on the twins’ every bowel movement then surely some toddlers can recite everything there is to know about the Wakefields.
Then, in a totally senseless “plot twist,” Margo goes to Winston’s house as Marla after Winston drops by the daycare for advice, and she offers to babysit in order to smother the baby with a pillow. The “why” is never explained, naturally. But who should show up just in time but Liz Wakefield, Margo’s future face! Margo high-tails it out of there but later tries to smother Daisy again when Winston drops the baby off at the daycare so Margo can take it to Social Services. Winston and Daisy’s parents (who finally return) arrive in the nick of time, and Margo flees the scene. It’s so dumb and pointless.
Anyway, Margo proves that everyone in Sweet Valley is an idiot by fooling Alice Wakefield into thinking she’s Elizabeth, as well as all their friends, including Todd at Olivia Davidson’s costume party. (Although to be fair, Todd thinks Margo is actually Jess, trying to get all up on him.) Meanwhile, Liz has some bad feelings that lead to a panic attack because she can sense Margo nearby. Oh, whatever.
Plot D: Josh Smith, older brother of Georgie, one of Margo’s victims, continues to stalk Margo across the country. He finds out about an unsolved hit-and-run accident taking place in Sweet Valley and immediately assumes (correctly, of course) that Margo was involved. He also assumes correctly that Margo would put in an appearance at the costume party he overhears Lila and Amy Sutton chatting about. This kid is full of lucky guesses. He sees the twins and Margo at the party but winds up tackling Jessica instead and getting booted from the festivities. Only later does he realize that he can differentiate between the three girls based on their earrings alone. Yes, that would happen.
Other Notes:
- Enid is so totally gay. Why does no one realize this? The book opens with this: Enid Rollins lay on her stomach on a beach blanket and watched as her best friend, Elizabeth Wakefield, emerged, dripping, from the ocean. Elizabeth waved as she began strolling up the beach toward Enid. The warm, California sunlight sparkled on her wet shoulders, casting a small shadow on the sand at her feet. Her new blue maillot looked great—sexy, but in an understated way. Enid sighed, only a little bit enviously. You know that whole scene played out in Enid’s head in slow motion.
- I like how Margo gets a migraine every time she has an evil thought.
- Annoyingness! Olivia Davidson and her new boyfriend, Harry, dress as Leonardo da Vinci and the Mona Lisa for the costume party, and Lila Fowler and her new boyfriend Robby do the same just a few books later. There are billions of Halloween costume ideas out there in the world! Someone try to have just an ounce of imagination for once.
- Amy and Winston strike up a bet on whether Winston will become a master diaperer, and because Winston wins, Amy has to go as a nun to the costume party. I don’t know why she’s so grumpy about this; we’ve seen slutty nun costumes before, and any of those would suit Amy. Buck up, Sutton!
- Steven Wakefield and Billie Winkler tango at the party dressed as Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Is it just impossible for them to stay on campus and not be losers for even a single weekend?
- Bruce Patman listens to “Teenage Wasteland” on his Discman and I think that’s foxy.
- “Dixieland jazz” is the live music of choice at the costume party. Okay, so thankfully it’s not the Droids, but seriously? How are these guys sixteen?
- When acknowledging that her relationship with Jess is “still a sore spot,” Liz consoles herself by thinking, “Millions of people had perfectly full lives without a twin sister.” I had never, ever expected a Sweet Valley High book to admit that.
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