* Photo credit to The Closet *
Something about this cover tells me I’m going to be reading a story about a secret bitch, a Suzanne Devlin, if you will, who was also not what she seemed and was downright too good to be true, in fact! Something about this cover also tells me that Jessica just recently did a couple bong rips and underwent a lobotomy that was enacted with a rock and a sharp stick. LOOK AT HER FACE.
Sweet Valley High is putting on a production of Macbeth, and Jess won’t stop going on and on about how she’s playing Lady Macbeth—that, and the fact that this new sophomore, Paula Perrine, won’t stop stalking her. But everyone insists that Paula’s shy and timid, and thus harmless. Paula obsesses over Jessica, and won’t stop talking about how great Jess is at everything, especially acting, so Jess warms to her and allows Paula to do her favors. Oh, thank you, Lady Jessica, thank you for this privilege! Meanwhile, everyone else is getting sick of Jess’s snippy attitude concerning the play, but little do they know is that Jess is acting like a bitchola because she suspects Paula is up to no good. But, as I mentioned earlier, no one believes her. In fact, they all hate on Jess because Jess lashes out at Paula for being psychotic when Paula’s just so nice! And her dad was abusive! And she lives with friends because she’s so lonely and has no real family! SOB!
It turns out that Jess is right. Paula gets promoted to Jess’s understudy, and on the night of the play, she calls Jess, bawling about how she went to visit her drunk dad and got stranded in the middle of nowhere and she needs help tout suite, even though it’s opening night and there’ll be a reviewer there from The L.A. Times! Jess goes out to rescue Paula, and when Liz calls Paula’s house looking for Jess, Paula’s mom answers and says how she can’t wait to go to Macbeth to watch her daughter in the lead. Oh snap! Paula takes over the role of Lady M., and it’s all All About Eve up in here. Everyone commends Paula for a job well done, until Jess storms into the cast party and confronts her, and then everyone sides with Jess again. Fair weather friends much?
Then Paula actually has the gall to show up at the Wakefield residence the next day, be rude to Jess, and then brag about how great she did and how smart she is for pulling a fast one on one of the beautiful blonde twins. And then she’s genuinely surprised when she realizes that now everyone hates her. She runs away crying, and then promptly falls in the pool. And everyone knows that a little chlorinated H20 is the best revenge.
Other Notes:
- Lila Fowler is cast as one of the witches and won’t stop complaining about it, and begs that the Macbeth witches dress in lavender “with glitter.” Oh, Lila. Then she hams it up at the end, and it’s pretty stellar, seeing Lila let her guard down like that.
- More examples of Paula’s evilness: She makes a play for Jess’ beloved Sam Woodruff and shoves Prince Albert the dog everyone forgets about! Oh no she didn’t!
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