* Photo credit to The Closet *
Here we have Dana Larson, lead singer for The Droids (have you heard of them before?), looking more attractive than she has in the past in an outfit that is…less attractive than she is, to be frank (but polite). I sincerely cannot believe that dude is Prince Arthur Castillo of Santa Dora—he’s described so gorgeously! Actually, I’m not surprised by that. Anyway, he looks like he would hang out with the AV kids, if only he were normal.
Great news, everybody! Liz’s penpal, the aforementioned Prince Arthur, is coming to Sweet Valley on his world tour! All the gals are losing their minds, but naturally the dudes are all, “We hate you Conrad, oh, yes, we do…” Jess, despite having found a devoted boyfriend in Sam Woodruff, schemes with Lila Fowler to get in the Prince’s pants and become princess. (Yes, Lila, too, though in just the preceding book she had enough reason to swear off guys for the duration of high school.) The only chick not dying to rock royalty’s world is Dana, who scoffs at the dumbness of it all. But when she meets PA at Liz’s luncheon, she finds that he isn’t snobby like she anticipated and begins to see what all the hullabaloo is about… but no! She can’t, she just can’t!
An in-class discussion re: “Hamlet” leads to Dana scoffing about royalty to PA’s face, and Mr. Collins assigns a debate between the two on the matter. To sum up:
DANA: Royalty is stupid and backward!
ARTHUR: Royalty is tradition in my country.
MR. COLLINS: Prince Arthur spoke from the heart. Score one for Santa Dora!
Dana is so overwhelmed with emotion that she flees the room without a good-sport handshake, obviously not feeling PA’s eyes on her. In fact, PA confides in Liz (who else? It’s Sweet Valley custom) that he has the hots for Dana because she’s so passionate, lively, headstrong, and clearly not throwing herself at him. Speaking of which, Jess throws PA an “all-American party” to get closer to him (even her bikini is star spangled), but all she does is get Sam pissed at her for awhile. PA and Dana dance, and it’s magic, and Dana realizes that “Arthur Castillo stands for something I despise,” but “it didn’t matter. She was falling in love with him anyway.” That definitely earned an LOL.
Dana’s family acts star struck and stupid when PA starts comin’ ‘round in his limo to have all-day dates with Dana. Then he proposes to her on the beach. Eep! Dana promises him she’ll think it over, but makes the mistake of telling her mom what’s she’s pondering. Mrs. Larson tells the whole world and is super excited for her sixteen-year-old kid to be engaged. Mrs. Larson probably has an IQ of about 60 and wears a helmet.
Meanwhile, Lila is sidling up to Paolo, PA’s hunky young bodyguard for an inside scoop and starts behaving like a psycho, suggesting that she and Jess break into PA’s hotel room dressed as chambermaids, stalking PA in her Triumph, reading Liz’s diary for any revealing tales and even doing research at the library to see what PA’s deal is. It’s there that she learns of PA’s obligation on his seventeenth birthday to announce who he’ll take as his wifey. She phones a reporter, who phones Dana and tells about PA’s rite of passage, and Dana freaks out and feels all used, especially since PA already has a betrothed in Britain. In true Grease form, Dana literally throws her ring at PA and runs away, and he’s all, “Sandy! You can’t just walk out of a drive-in!” Well, he would’ve, were her name Sandy. But her cousin is Sally and that’s close enough.
Then fucking Liz gets involved and acts as mediator between the two of them, and she lets slip that PA had actually wanted to marry her once. Way to go, Liz, that’s a great tactic. What was the point of that, anyway, other than to prove that no guy in the Sweet Valley universe can like another girl without having liked a Wakefield twin at some point in time? Anyway, PA mopes all night at Lila’s party and leaves early to go back to Santa Dora, and Dana realizes at the last second that she ought to say goodbye to him. She runs through the airport for his love (classic), and he tells her that he’s going to shirk tradition and not announce a bride on his seventeenth birthday. Then he asks Dana to marry him again and she says no. But everyone still lives happily ever after!
Other Notes:
- Guess what? Todd Wilkins is jealous of PA! Liz thinks Todd is being ridic, until Enid Rollins reads one of PA’s letters to Liz that all but states, “I’m writing this nude while lying on a bed with a flashing neon sign reading ‘I Love You’ on my head,” and Liz is like, “We’re good friends, that’s all.” But au contraire! Until Liz tells PA that Todd (her “special friend”) is her twoo wuv, PA had actually planned on marrying her! So gross. Meanwhile, Liz reassures Todd that she’d “never let anyone come between” them. Oh, give up the ghost, Liz.
- Lynne Henry pops up again to write PA a ballad: “Rule My Heart.” I’m gagging over here.
- Max Dellon, the Droids’ lead guitarist, calls PA “Art.” He’s so hip, y’all!
- As for Lila, Liz and Jess deduce that she’s just acting like a crackpot because of her near rape. Geez, they’re so wise!
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