* Photo credit to The Closet *
Oh, this cover. My mother still has hair like that. I appreciate April Dawson’s sassy helmet. However, I can’t tell which of the boys is supposed to be her boyfriend Michael Harris or her boyfriend’s nemesis Artie Western (HORRIBLE NAME!). They both look like d-bags.
April and Michael are dirt bikers who race every weekend or something, but April has outside interests, like going to the movies, while Michael has no other hobbies. Excuse me while I yawn. In fact, their relationship is sort of sucky and I’m not rooting for them as a couple at all. Michael ignores April and doesn’t bother to do anything that she’s interested in, and he’s boring. He hurts her feelings, and then they break up, and they get back together after he says, “I’m sorry.” Oh snap, I gave away the whole story!
Also, Michael is psychotic. His main goal in life is to be better than his ex-BFF Artie, a fellow dirt biker whom he passionately hates, although he won’t tell anyone, not even April, why. After Michael blows April off one weekend, she goes to the movies and whom she should meet but Artie himself! They hit it off beautifully, and eventually he tells her that Michael hates him because they had some dirt bike race in order to win some other chick’s heart and Michael lost. Oh, boo hoo, man. Boys and their pride.
When Michael finds out, he hits the roof and demands a racing duel. This guy needs to get on some meds. Artie accepts the thrown gauntlet and nearly dies during the race, which really pisses off April. She hates on Michael (even though she still luvs him!) and spends her days at Artie’s hospital bedside. Then Michael shows up with Cheeseburgers of Forgiveness and he and Artie make peace, and Michael and April profess their love for each other. (I bet you didn’t see that coming.) Sooooo stupid!
Now onto the Wakefield plots, because that’s what’s really important here:
1. Liz and Todd have an Annie Oakley battle-of-the-sexes competition to see who can do what. Todd has to grocery shop, sew an apron, and make Liz dinner, while Liz has to change a tire, build a shelf, and replace a washer. This is actually sort of fun, considering it’s L&T. Liz gets herself into some antics at the hardware shop and spends her weekend relentlessly fixing a sink, while Todd keeps sewing the apron to his jeans.. Todd fucks up the dinner (he puts peppermint in chocolate chip cookies), Liz’s shelf falls down, and they live happily ever after.
2. This book also introduces us to THE Sam Woodruff, the “handsomest boy [Jess has] ever seen” who will change her life 4eva and eva. And he’s a SENIOR! Who jokes with her about OUTRAGEOUS tacos! Pine! She goes out with him and falls madly in love, but the problem is, he’s a dirt biker too, and feels she has to sneak around behind her parents’ backs considering Liz nearly died on a motorcycle. But, to no one’s surprise, Ned and Alice don’t even care, and thus begins Jess’ first awesome relationship. (Sorry, A.J.)
—
Please leave a comment and share this content with your friends on social media—
this helps ensure the continuation of the content you love!