And now: the continuation of the will-Liz-die-or-not? saga with Dear Sister, which sounds like a Hallmark movie. Considering that the series continues for 130some more books—not counting Sweet Valley University, Senior Year, and so on—I suspect Elizabeth Wakefield will survive. But this was 1984 with no spin-offs in sight, so our adolescent fear was real!
Liz is right where we left her in the last book: in a coma at the Joshua Fowler Memorial Hospital. Jessica Wakefield hovers over her sister’s bed, recapping the entire series so far in an attempt to rouse her. She begs her not to die, and with good reason: If there’s no Liz, who’ll put up with Jess’s shit?
Elizabeth awakens from her coma and uncharacteristically demands a makeover and a sexy hospital gown, stat. But that ain’t all, you guys. She flirts with the doctors, suddenly thinks reading is for losers, dresses like a prostitute, and treats boyfriend Todd Wilkins like a turd. In short, she’s acting just like Jessica. That’s right, folks: Jessica isn’t the worst person in the story for once, but only because someone else is acting exactly like her instead.
The twins host a party in honor of Elizabeth cheating death. Now the tables have turned: Jess gets stuck doing all the work and getting no attention while Liz gallivants around the mall and flirts with Ken Matthews, much to Todd’s horror. Post-party, Liz continues her bad behavior: She fails her classes, hits on other chicks’ boyfriends, blows off BFF Enid Rollins, and coerces Winston Egbert to do her homework. It all sounds very exhausting.
Todd and Jess commiserate about the new Elizabeth, and this would’ve been a great opportunity for them to have a torrid love affair. But just when that stands a decent chance of happening, Liz drives up on the motorcycle belonging to Max Dellon, lead guitarist of The Droids. Never mind that one of those things nearly killed her a week ago—she’s gotta lotta livin’ to do! Todd plucks her off the bike against her will and she tells him to sod off, he’s a rat, he’s worse than a rat, he’s amoebas on fleas on rats, and so on.
Lila Fowler hosts a costume party, and the twins attend as matadors (“sexy” ones!). Liz dances into the arms of Bruce Patman, who initially thinks she’s Jessica because she’s acting cool for once. Bruce can’t believe his good luck when he realizes that he finally has the opportunity to get to first base with the other twin as well.
Liz makes a date with Bruce the same night she’s agreed to go out with Sweet Valley surfer Bill Chase, who’s randomly “always cared about Liz.” When Bill comes to pick Liz up for their outing, Jess seizes the moment and goes out with Bill, pretending to be her sister. It turns out that Jess has been harboring rage for Bill because once upon a time, he didn’t want to go to some stupid dance with her. (He was probably sick of going to all the other school dances that took place of the preceding 364 days.) Thus, when Bill assumes that Jessica is Elizabeth and starts going on and on about being in lurve with her, Jess is like, “SIKE, BITCH! You really love me now!”
Meanwhile, Bruce touches Liz’s boobies and plies her with wine in the bedroom of a beach house. He’s about to get further with her than poor Todd ever did when she bonks her head during a fall and miraculously turns into her old self again. She slaps Bruce and then runs into the arms of Todd, who just so happens to be standing on the beach. They share “a deep, long kiss that she wished would last forever.” In SVH, they’re always kissing long and deep. And passionately—can’t forget that.
Other Notes
- At the hospital, a neurosurgeon enters the room and tells Jess how hot he finds them both (yes, even the coma patient). Then he shakes Jess, cups her face, ruffles her hair, and insists that Liz nearly dying isn’t her fault. This guy needs to go to the same therapy Mr. Collins should attend.
- Jess is the only Wakefield at Liz’s side when she’s in the coma. WTF, Ned and Alice? What better things could you two possibly be doing?
- Jess raves to Liz about Danny Stauffer and his Trans Am, and goes on about how the car’s front seat reclines and slides back, yet somehow she’s always surprised that dudes want to do more than kiss her.
- Liz calls Ken Matthews “All-American” (as a noun), which makes Ken “blush attractively.” Just, ugh.
- Jess says that she’s “supposed to make sure Liz doesn’t leave the house after school.” Wakefield parents, do your fucking job!
- In a dull subplot, some twelve-year-old twin girls (the imaginatively named Jean and Joan) come to stay with the Wakefields, which ruins Jess’s life even further. Blah, blah, all their scenes really are pointless.
- So will Jess exact revenge on Bill and break his heart? Find out next time in the mysteriously named Heartbreaker!
—
Please leave a comment and share this content with your friends on social media—
this helps ensure the continuation of the content you love!