* Photo credit to The Closet *
George Warren doesn’t look like a college freshman—give me a break! Robin Wilson looks sassy. Something strange is happening with her collar though. I think it’s slowly taking over her face.
Robin applied for early admission to Sarah Lawrence in New York and got accepted, you guys! Her super rich aunt Fiona will pay her tuition in full if she goes there, but only there, because that’s her alma mater. Robin thinks it’s totally unfair and that her aunt should pay for her to go anywhere, even though it’s Fiona’s money and she can do whatever the eff she wants with it. But Fiona is depicted as an arrogant wench, so we’re supposed to hate her and side with Robin or something. And Fiona’s not a teenager so she’s obviously wrong!
Robin decides not to tell George about possibly moving away because “he’d be upset.” N.S., Sherlock. First of all, I can care less about Robin and George as a couple ever since they tried to justify their cheating on their former respective S.O.s—they couldn’t help it; they were so in love! So needless to say, I’m pretty unsympathetic to any kind of rift coming between them. But Liz accidentally blabs about it to George, but doesn’t get in trouble for it because Robin thinks the bigmouth was her friend Annie Whitman and believes Annie wants George for herself. It’s so duummmmmb. Also, it must be said that Robin wants to stay in California—Sweet Valley, especially!—for George and her diving. Girl, you’ll grow out of both those things in like a year, get a grip.
Anyway, Robin thinks she’s being “sacrificed for a new kitchen”—if she goes to Sarah Lawrence, then her aunt will pay to have the Wilsons’s kitchen remodeled. Really, I can’t believe her aunt would give such a damn about any of this, but of course she does. Aunt Fiona arrives in Sweet Valley all snooty and judgey of the neighbor’s carriage boy statue, and Robin’s mom totally kisses her ass. It’s embarrassing. Then Robin throws a hissy fit at a fancy restaurant about how she doesn’t want to go to Sarah Lawrence (“I wouldn’t take your money if I were starving to death!”), and it’s really melodramatic and ungrateful. Why should I care about you, R.Wil?
On the day of The Big Diving Meet, George is dismayed because Robin is really screwing up. She might even lose the meet, you guys! So George calls her family and begs them to come to the meet after telling them how “unfair” and “petty” they’re being, so the Wilsons arrive and Robin, thriving on the support of her family, improves so much that she wins! This means a diving scholarship could be in the works. The win also gives Robin the strength to tell her aunt where she can shove her money. Because how can anyone ever want to leave Sweet Valley? It’s unthinkable! But Fiona is all contrite and says she’ll pay for Robin’s schooling no matter where she goes. You don’t have to do that, rich lady! You don’t owe these losers! Sigh.
But enough about Robin; you obviously want to hear about the Wakefields! Well, today’s Wakefield subplot is even stupider than usual. Jess starts babysitting this musically inclined child prodigy named Allison Kane, who plays the recorder. To no one’s surprise, she has an older brother Alex, who is a senior in college and a total super fox! Even though he’s busy working on his senior thesis / composition project, Jess vows to seduce him—by playing the recorder. She figures it’s easy enough to learn; after all, Allison plays. Oh, this is richer than Aunt Fiona.
Jess buys a cheap recorder and sucks, but it turns out that Liz is awesome at it. The recorder “arouses” her interest, but Liz is so fearful of overshadowing her sister by her own greatness like she admits she usually does (pfft) that she starts sneaking in Jess’s room to play the recorder, “steady and true,” in secret. She acts like real freak about it too, like it’s heroin or something: “I’m not really playing it—just trying it out.” Spoken like a true addict.
Meanwhile, Jess actually pretends to faint to get Alex to notice her, and it actually works. But then he’s like, “Maybe we can start dating…in two years when I come back from some East Coast college,” and she’s all, “Peace out, clown.” And then she tells Liz she doesn’t care if she usurps the recorder, and it makes Liz’s stupid life.
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