* Photo credit to The Closet *
So dead Regina is now old news and Sandra Bacon’s back, as you can see, and, as the back cover tells us, she’s “finally found a boy to love.” A boy? The both of them look to be in their thirties and holding their breath, waiting the results of a pregnancy test.
BTW: The “boy” is Manuel Lopez, and I’m assuming that he’s the basis for Bruce’s useless friend Manny in the show and thus he’ll be about ten times more interesting in the book. Which isn’t saying much.
So Sandra and Manuel are SVH’s newest couple, and it’s all anyone can talk about because “Manuel came from a completely different world,” i.e. Mexico. He speaks Spanish at home and hangs out with Mexican kids! Meanwhile, Sandra’s family is “reputed to be bigoted” and have no idea that their beloved daughter is canoodling with a Mexican track star. Oh, dear, I’m bracing myself, I really am. I’m both afraid and excited at how offensive I’m sure this story will be. Don’t let me down, Francine!
Manuel is absolutely perfect for Sandra—he’s smart and sincere, he calls her when he says he’s going to, and he gives her the tinglies. But she can’t even tell her parents that a Mexican festival is coming to down without her mom saying, “You know what kind of trouble those people can cause.” They remain oblivious to her torment and try to set her up with a “nice” teenage golfer (omghawt), and Manuel keeps insisting that he feels uncomfortable dating her without meeting her parents, and gets pissed when he figures out that Sandra doesn’t want her parents to know about him. She’s all, “I’d do anything for love!” and he’s all, “Prove it, let me meet them,” and she’s all, “But I won’t do that!”
She hints to her mom about dating a “Mexican-American,” and her mom exclaims, “I certainly hope this is a hypothetical situation!” Will Smith is right, gang: Parents just don’t understand. Sandra’s BFF Jean West tells her that Sandra and Manuel are going to be mentioned in next week’s “Eyes and Ears” column, and suggests that Sandra hunt down Elizabeth Wakefield and ask her not to write about it. Oh, GREAT, way to get HER involved! Sandra begs Liz to not write about it, and Liz acts like it’s a big deal to take out what she’d written—it’s just a school paper! Relax, plz, Liz.
Sandra tries again to talk to her mom, and her mom said the idea of her dating a Mexican boy made her “so upset [she] couldn’t sleep.” Jean is sick of being Sandra’s cover story every time she’s out with Manuel, so the only friend that Sandra has in the world now is—drum roll, plz—Liz Wakefield. ::groan:: Sandra, Manuel, and Liz all go out boating on Sandra’s parents’ motorboat, and the engine goes kaboom and blows the boat to smithereens. Yes, yes, Liz lives. Sandra conks out, and Manuel saves her at the risk of losing his own life. When she comes to, she’s barely conscious but still is cognizant enough to tell Manuel to get lost before her parents see him and to formulate the story that Liz was the one who actually rescued her. Good God, woman! He saves her life and she still can’t bear to deal with her parents, who’d probably be so grateful to ANYONE who saved their kid’s life. And if not…you go to college (outside of Sweet Valley! GASP! Concept!) and never look back.
Liz is in an awkward position because The Sweet Valley News considers her a hero for saving Sandra’s life, but then some witnesses speak up, insisting that there were actually three people in the boat. Then—KARMA!—Liz is all, “Do you have to write this up?” Oh, the tables—how they’ve turned! Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up! Liz, unable to take the pressure of ladies from the PTA calling to congratulate her, calls the Bacons and realizes that Mrs. Bacon doesn’t understand “that Sandy is too old to hang on to so tightly.” Because Liz knows everything, including how to parent. Then she goes to over to Manuel’s house to relay Sandra’s “I-love-you-I’m-sorry” message. Can anyone function without Liz? How is it that everything always concerns her?
Sandra comes back to school and finds out that Manuel’s grown a pair: he refuses to date her any longer if she doesn’t stand up to her parents. “Sandy, I love you, but I need to feel you respect me.” Sincerely, at this point, to not tell her parents is a bit much. THEN! The cops approach Manuel, thinking he was involved in causing the accident, and drag him down to the station. This just keeps getting grosser and grosser. AND STILL Sandra refuses to acknowledge that Manuel is even a friend to her parents. It’s disgusting. Manuel, do NOT take her back!
Then she bursts into tears and confesses everything, just as Liz Wakefield walks in the station, so Liz can witness the good deed. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, FRANCINE?! Sandra calls her parents prejudiced, and her dad’s like, “You’re right, do go on.” Riiiight. Mr. Bacon shakes Manuel’s hand and tells him he’s always welcome in the Bacon residence while Mrs. Bacon tries to grapple with her ignorance. And the cops sit back and joke, “This is probably the nicest resolution to suspected foul play we’ve seen around this station.” Why don’t they just put their hats over their hearts and “awww”? Every cop is Sweet Valley is a moron. Manuel DOES take Sandra back, and her parents invite him to the country club dance, and he agrees to come only if the Bacons attend the Mexican festival. I think my eyes are going to get stuck at the top of my head because I keep rolling them too hard.
So the moral of this tale is: if the boy you love is perfect and saves you life and agrees to go to jail based on YOUR stupidity, you should probably marry him. Or at least consider putting out.
Meanwhile, on a more frivolous note, Lila Fowler is all upset that no one will throw her a birthday party, even though she’s thrown bajillions of shindigs for people in the past. Unbeknownst to her, Jess IS throwing her a surprise party, but on the day after her birthday, and makes everyone promise to act like they couldn’t care less about Lila’s b-day so she’ll be actually surprised. I smell mischief and misunderstanding in the works! Cara Walker’s like, “Isn’t that mean?” and Jess is like, “This is Lila, remember? The girl whose father is bringing her back the entire inventory from every boutique in Rome?” I’m confused—what’s the correlation there? Why am I always trying to argue with SVH logic?
So basically, everyone treats Lila like crap, telling her birthdays are “babyish” and makes big plans for the night of her birthday without inviting her, which means she’ll be all alone, and it’s actually really rotten! Jess is unruffled that Lila’s so mad, and gets Cara and Amy Sutton to get Lila to the party by telling Lila that they’re going out to plot revenge on Jess. What I appreciate is that Jess has no misgivings about who she is and that this will actually work. Lila goes to the party, they all shock her socks off, and she declares that she “feels like the luckiest person in the world.” Well, that went well. More Jessica validation!
Other Notes:
- Ricky Capuldo is described as a “short, energetic junior with a strong sense of organization.” ::DIES:: That’s just about the worst “positive” description I’ve ever heard about anyone.
- Sandra has a Spanish-styled house. Does anyone in Sweet Valley live in a ranch or split-level or something freaking else?
- Jess and Cara make Lila a birthday banner, complete with panels that represent a different part of Lila’s life, including “Lila Shopping” and “Lila Giving Parties.” Just…try not to laugh.
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