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#40 – On the Edge

* Photo credit to The Closet *

Does anyone actually have framed 8×10 glossies of their significant others like this? Perhaps not. Then again, I wouldn’t put it past Bruce Patman to get his photo taken (in an artsy black and white!) and pass them out to all his admirers. And hang one up in his own locker for good measure.

I was expecting a more glamorous lamp to be in Regina Morrow’s room. Hell, I was expecting a more exciting cover altogether, considering this story has a dead teen in it! Unfortch, it ain’t Liz.

So Amy Sutton has it in her dopey little head that Bruce Patman, her partner for an oral report on drugs (!!!!foreshadowing!!!!), is madly in love with her and it’s only a matter of time before he dumps Regina Morrow for her. Of course Liz is appalled, and even Jessica thinks Amy’s on crack, considering how devoted Bruce seems to be to Regina. Remember her? She’s so beautiful, so kind, and formerly deaf thanks to Swiss miracles. In contrast, Amy is…well, an idiot. Don’t do it, Bruce!

But of course he can’t resist, although I don’t know why. When they’re working on their report, Amy’s all “I had a dream about you but oh! I can’t tell you about it! It’s soooo embarrassing!” and Bruce actually cares and is all, “Tell me more, tell me more, did we get very far?” Amy pretends to be all coy and bats her lashes at him and is like, “We made out!” And then they actually do, and it truly makes me cringe! Bruce confesses he’s “crazy about” Amy, and actually says, “I can’t believe the way you kiss. Who taught you how to kiss that way?” Probably the hookers on Hollywood & Vine, Bruce. Ugh. I miss date-rapist Bruce. Meanwhile, Regina’s being hit on by a hot ne’er-do-well named Justin Belson (who says he has three copies of Ingenue magazine when she was on the cover—um, weird) and wondering why Bruce is being a dick to her.

The Wakefields host a cookout, and Liz is all worried that Bruce, Amy, and Regina will all be there. Of course, here’s a time when Liz decides to actually mind her own business and not tell Regina what’s going on, and basically winds up making a fool out of her friend. So Regina goes to the party with Bruce, who’s acting all distant, and watches as Amy drapes herself all over him while everyone shoots each other sympathetic looks. ASSHOLES! When Regina sees Bruce and Amy emerge from behind a tree post-making out, she flips out and it’s great. She even tells off Liz and makes her cry! Triumph! Then she bitches Bruce out and takes his car keys, and the only thing that would’ve made it better was if she were waving a gun around.

Regina avoids Bruce’s calls and turns to Justin Belson, even though big brother Nicholas Morrow keeps telling her to stay away from him because he runs with a bad crowd. We know this because Justin takes her to…Kelly’s! Quelle surprise. Is Justin seriously interested in Regina? If so, why would he bring one of the richest girls in town to a dive bar if he was trying to impress her? Oh, why do I bother? While Regina sips a Coke, Justin talks about his dead dad and his pill-head mom and his BFF Molly Hecht, who’s involved with Jan Brown, who’s “part of the real hard-core drug set.” So…yeah: There are all these “bad kids” in Sweet Valley who aren’t actually bad, they just know someone who knows someone who knows someone…

Miss Morrow feels so sorry for Justin that she dotes on him by paying for their drinks and giving him her history notes and admiring him for all his suffering. Then Molly Hecht appears, has a bipolar attitude toward Regina, and invites them both to her rager on Saturday, at which Buzz, a mysterious cocaine dealer, will appear. Oh, dear, it’s like watching a horror movie unfold. DON’T DO IT, REGINA! Then fucking Liz approaches Regina and suddenly tries to be her mother friend and is all, “I’ve heard some scary things about a few of [Justin’s] friends. Some of those kids are heavily into drugs. And not just marijuana, either.” It’s so like LIZ to say “marijuana”; what a grandma. And again Regina tells her off: “I don’t want your advice. I want you to leave me alone.” I love it; I bet Liz’s never heard those words in her life. And yet Liz continues to BOTHER Regina, calling her to tell her that the Hecht party is a bad idea and calling Nicholas Morrow to tell him not to let Regina go to the party. It’s so embarrassing. And annoying, if that wasn’t obvious enough.

Regina goes to the party, and it’s no classy Lila Fowler affair, with everyone dancing to the Droids’ music and drinking fruit punch: “The house smelled of beer and cigarettes.” Jan Brown puts in an appearance and harangues Regina for not doing drugs because everyone’s pissed that Regina is stealing Molly’s “boyfriend”—Justin—away from her. Jan is total douchebag, but whatever. Then Buzz arrives with his coke, and Justin doesn’t want to leave because Buzz has been urging Molly to do heroin and he’s afraid she’ll try that. This book is so intense for SVH! Regina, sick of feeling bad about her life and that everyone essentially keeps calling her a chicken for not doing drugs, decides she wants to try it.

Then….she does two lines and…dies. Actually fucking DIES! Just as Nicholas Morrow and the cops burst in! THIS IS CRAZY!

What I think I hate the most is that Regina’s death validates Liz: Liz tried to warn her, Regina didn’t listen, and look what happened! Furthermore, Liz receives a letter that Regina had sent moments before going to the party, apologizing and even saying, “You’ve always proved right in the past. I don’t see why I should stop listening now.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh. Hate.

Regina, we hardly knew ye. May your noble death be a lesson to us all.

P.S. I’m pissed we didn’t get more of Bruce’s feelings in this story! I would’ve wanted to see what was going through his head when he found out that he technically drove Regina to her death by being a cheating asshole. I wanted his guilt! I wanted his regret! Shun. I do not support this book.

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