* Photo credit to The Closet *
I keep getting these gals confused in the story because this cover is so misleading. Sandra Bacon—the girl with the Cinderella bangs and the Pink Ladies Pi Beta Alpha jacket—is envious of her best friend Jean West, but I don’t see why because Jean looks all of eleven. Plus, JEAN is the one who looks envious, not Sandra. What gives?
It’s pledge time again for Pi Beta Alpha (PBA), so you know what that means: Another story is devoted to bitchy sorority antics that will cause a bunch of hormonally challenged adolescent girls to stab their best friends in the back and sob until their mascara runs clean off.
As mentioned in the introductory paragraph, PBA member Sandra is jealous of her BFF Jean because Jean kicks ass at everything: cheerleading, schoolwork, the flute, dancing, and even cooking. PBA is the only thing Sandra has that Jean doesn’t, and Sandra vows to keep it that way. Hold up: Why isn’t Jean already a PBA member? And how did Sandra get to be one? She’s Dullsville, USA, y’all.
Also, Sandra’s afraid that if Jean joins PBA, their friendship will deteriorate, so to save their buddyhood, she treats Jean like crap and vows to sabotage her pledge effort. A fine plan! This “pledge effort” I speak of is that the newbies are assigned dates to bring to a party and they must get the guys to go with them. Sandra attempts to make this difficult for Jean: She learns that Tom McKay is pissed because Jean wouldn’t say hi to him in the hallway, so she suggests that Jean ask him. Meanwhile, Tom’s scarred for life, apparently, because “the last girl he’d gone out with was Jessica Wakefield, and a few people joked that she had turned him off the female sex forever.” (We were so set up for this.)
Fortunately for Jean, Lila Fowler takes pity on her and suggests that she flatter Tom by telling him what a great tennis player he is. This advice works: Tom says yes to Jean’s party invite after Jean kisses his ass for a while, so Sandra decides to tell Tom that Jean’s only using him. Sandra drops by The Tennis Shop, where boring Tom works, and “accidentally” spills about the pledging period before she runs away, crying guilty tears of shame. Tom is furious—it turns out that he’s had a “secret crush” on Jean for “ages.” (Right.).
Tom calls Jean and tells her he’s in the hospital with food poisoning and can’t go with her to the party. Jean’s disappointed because A) she has to go to the party alone and B) she was actually starting to like Tom. The PBA girls have Jean call the hospital to check out his story, and of course, he’s not there. Everyone feels so bad for her that they decide to let her off the hook with a substitute pledge: She must exact revenge on Tom by bringing him to some dance and then choosing a different boy to dance with in front of the whole school. Or something. Howevs, Sandra doesn’t want to let Jean off so easily and Jean is super pissed about it.
Sandra talks to Jean in the student lounge and lies that she only acted like a bitch so that the PBAs wouldn’t accuse her of favoritism. “I want you to get whatever you want, forever and ever!” she insists. Jean forgives her, and it turns out that Jean is only joining PBA because she wants to be closer to Sandra: “She hoped joining the sorority would help close the gap between them.” Irony!
Jean goes over to Tom’s house the day after the party in “linen walking shorts” and with a care package. Of course, Tom has magically recovered from his food poisoning, and she dotes on him so that he feels guilty and becomes “convinced that Jean West was the best thing that has ever happened to him.” Dear God.
Tom then surprises Jean at school with a picnic lunch on the campus grounds, which weirds out Jean. She and Tom have dramatic, fluctuating feelings about each other and constantly wonder if they REALLY like each other LIKE THAT. “He was falling in love with her and wanted to make sure they were right for each other before either one of them got terribly hurt.” Could this be somewhat realistic? Tom eventually takes her to the amusement park to ride on the Ferris Wheel, and although she’s scared of heights, she’s wowed by the view. Then they French at the top.
Jean confides in Sandra that she sincerely cares about Tom and doesn’t want to go through with the revenge. Sandra’s all, “It’s all my fault!” inside, but still can’t bring herself to confess her crimes. Tom saves her the trouble by doing it for her when he and Jean snuggle in his backyard. He tells Jean that Sandra tipped him off the night of the party, and Jean cries her eyes out and that’s about it. When the Friday the Thirteenth dance rolls around, Jean refuses to go through with her revenge, and the PBAs are all set to reject her until Sandra confesses what she’s done. Jean just happens to overhear it all and they laugh and cry and hug. The PBAs decide to keep Sandra in the sorority AND invite Jean in. Happy ending! Blah.
Ever important Wakefield subplot: Steven’s coming home from school for a whole week and the Wakefields want to make his visit really special. Um, big fucking deal; he’s home every weekend! Nevertheless, Liz wants to have a surprise party for him. Yawn—is that the best you can do, Liz?
Then Cara Walker, Steven’s girlfriend, calls sobbing because Steven’s roommate, Bob, has somehow convinced Steven to quit college and work on an ocean liner. (This was clearly deemed a great idea after a couple of bong rips in the dorm.) The Wakefields all shit a brick about Steven leaving school, except for Jess: “Why shouldn’t he sail around the world?” Because, Jessica: Then he’d become an actual person with an actual personality and an actual life, that’s why.
So they all decide to try a little reverse psychology—Liz’s idea, of course—and act like they don’t care if Steven goes. He starts to realize the weight behind his decision when Cara says that she won’t be interested in a long-distance relationship and his dad inundates him with health insurance paperwork. (Isn’t he going to be a lawyer? Hasn’t he seen scarier papers than that?) He whines to Jess about Cara, and Jess is actually sort of cool and wise: “Did you talk to her about your plans to leave school, or did you just drop the bombshell on her…?”
Then there’s ANOTHER party—a bon voyage party for Steven. Cara’s all worried he’ll actually still leave, but Jess is once again surprisingly insightful: “He’s embarrassed to admit he doesn’t want to do it anymore.” They throw the surprise party, where Steve admits he’s staying home: right in WASPy Sweet Valley! Hooray!
Other Notes:
- The girls practice water ballet in gym. (Of course Jean is perfect at it.) WTF kind of school is this? Must I even ask?
- At one point, Liz naturally catches wind of Jean’s plan to humiliate Tom, but “she didn’t know Jean well enough to intrude.” When has that ever stopped her?!
- At the Friday the Thirteenth dance, the students have to pass under a ladder to enter, which is a cute idea.
- Fun fact!: Fifty people can fit in the Wakefield living room.
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