Ooh! Another book with an exclamation point! This is serious business, especially since Enid appears to be dead and all (with lip gloss and eyeshadow still intact!). In that case, maybe Enid’s mom will give me that shirt Enid is wearing, because I enjoy it.
BTW: Liz looks like she’s rocking a mustache.
So Enid’s taking a ride in a two-seater Cessna 150 plane with her boyfriend/best friend from back in her druggie days George Warren behind the yoke since he just got his pilot license. Enid’s all sorts of excited and doesn’t notice George’s turmoil—he must dump her for former fatty Robin Wilson, who’s been taking flying lessons with him. Yes, he’s breaking up with her in mid-air. What a great idea! But before he can go through with his “Enid, you’re out” bit, the engine conveniently cuts out and the plan takes a nose dive into Secca Lake. George gets knocked out and Enid rescues him, in the process messing up her back and making her paralyzed from the waist down.
George, who barely has a scratch on him, is just sick with guilt over the whole thing and becomes a martyr for love. He feels oh-so-sorry for himself because he can’t be with Robin now and Enid’s telling him that he’s “just about all [she’s] got left now”! He thinks, “Just being with Enid makes me feel so cheap and dishonest!” How romantic! This whole story and everyone in it makes me feel the same way. And Liz, everyone’s best fucking friend, had seen a photo of George and Robin in some passionate embrace, but never bothers to tell Enid: “Elizabeth knew it wasn’t her place to tell Enid anything.” She chooses NOW to mind her own business?
Everyone thinks Robin and George are jerks, which they sort of are, even though they and the ghostwriters keep insisting that it’s all right because R&G never felt so in love with anyone like this before! Oh, whatever. Even Jess thinks it’s douchey and has all the girls go in on a “cold war” against Robin. “It’s the least we can do for poor Enid,” Cara Walker reasons. So they all avoid Robin and are basically, “Did you guys hear something?” whenever she’s talking, and Robin has no clue why. She starts gobbling up everything in sight, and just as she magically lost a 137 pounds in the span of a week, she magically gains a million within a day or so. So of course Robin confides in Liz, and has the gall to tell Liz, “If Enid were to get completely better, why couldn’t George tell her the way he’d planned to at first?” It’s all very tactful.
At any rate, Enid isn’t getting better at all. Although she undergoes a surgery that fixes all her physical health problems, she still can’t get out of her wheelchair. She can, however, feel the strain between her and George during an awkward dinner party Liz has in Enid’s honor, during which George hates his life and Enid laughs too loud at all his sullen jokes. But the turning point is when George and Enid go to the dance together and she sees him dancing with Robin, and somehow it all falls into place. They get into a fight, but the next day, Enid pretends everything’s fine: “I know George too well to think he’d leave me for Robin as long as I’m…” she trails off, letting her sneakiness speak for herself.
Mrs. Rollins turns to Liz for advice (!!!!) because Enid seems to have just given up and there seems to be a psychological block against her recovery. Liz goes to see Mr. Collins, who smokes a pipe and it’s really random and out of character, and Liz cooks up a plan to have Mr. Collins’s son Teddy pretend to drown so Enid can save him, which is basically sick. Yet it works, and Liz gets all the laurels for it. Enid and George break up amicably, and I’m pretty much irritated with the time I spent on this story.
The subplot is that Jess has signed up for a gourmet cooking class with Lila (huh?) during which she learns the valuable skill of making mustard. The guy teaching the class—Jean-Pierre Baptiste—is way fine (but why is that any surprise?) and Jess wants to invite him to a high school dance. (WHY?) However, he turns out to be married to some hot French redhead, so Jess focuses all her attention on the amazing meal she’s planning to prepare for her parents the night of their anniversary, partially in an effort to outshine St. Liz. However, she nearly gives everyone food poisoning during one of her practice meals while Liz ends up giving Ned and Alice tickets to a dinner-theater event. The story ends with Jess collapsing in a fit of tears. Oh noes!
Other Notes:
- I’ll die if anything happens to Enid!” Jess cries. For real? Don’t even try to have a soul at this point, Jess.
- Lila thinks, “Jessica was too good a friend to stay mad at for long.” Has everyone gone completely insane?
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