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#17 – Love Letters


Ughscrew Elizabeth Wakefile, who’s lurking around her in hot pink pants with a suspicious expression. Please don’t let me be overwhelmed by Liz Hate today. I just don’t have the strength.

Caroline Pearce leads a sad life. She has no friends, so she makes up for it by being a gossip, which her older sister, Anita, assures is “the surest way to stay left out.” Might I remind everyone that Liz—one of the most popular girls at school—writes the school’s gossip column, stalks her friends, and meddles in everyone’s problems? In case there was ever any doubt, hypocrisy is alive and well at Sweet Valley High.

Anyway, Caroline types up love letters from an imaginary boyfriend named Adam to gain friends. She’s so desperate to hang out with the Wakefield twins, whom Anita thinks are “the nicest girls in Caroline’s class.” Au contraire: The twins act like the biggest crapbags to Caroline, and both moan and groan and try to hide when she rings the doorbell.

At the beach, Jessica Wakefield mocks Caroline and Caroline catches her, “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee”-style. Caroline gets back at Jess by telling her about the letter she found in the Wakefields’ trash (don’t ask). It was written from Alice Wakefield to some design firm in San Francisco, telling them that she was going to consider their generous job offer. This event is what Jess believes is “a fate too horrible to consider”; after all, “What in the world would [the twins] do in San Francisco?” They might be forced to get compelling personalities in that case, and we can’t go having that.

Anyway, this ignites the B-plot. Liz and Jess devise a plan to make their parents want to stay—and that’s to bombard them with fliers and brochures touting the greatness of Sweet Valley. Yes, they send their own parents junk mail, and namedrop stores and the like that are the town’s specialties. And—sigh—all of it actually works. To no one’s shock, the Wakefields will continue to live in Sweet Valley.

But back to Caroline. Liz writes a play for the Junior Playwriting Contest that cuts and pastes lines from Robert Browning’s letters to Elizabeth Barrett (she wins, of course, despite that she’s essentially plagiarizing). Caroline borrows books on Robert Browning from the library and cuts and pastes lines from his letters into her letters from “Adam.” Can you see where this is heading? When Liz reads her play out loud to Jess, Jess makes the connection. After all, Caroline’s been reading the letters out loud to anyone who’ll listen.

Lila Fowler and Jess hope to catch Caroline in a lie, so they throw party in Adam’s honor and thrust a bus ticket in Caroline’s hand to give to her beau. In a panic, Caroline confides in Liz—of course. Because Liz is so good. And so trustworthy. And fairness and honesty personified.

Liz urges Caroline to come clean about the whole shebang, which she attempts to do at Lila’s party, when along comes this mysterious hot guy, who smooches her in mid-sentence. It turns out Liz called in a favor from Todd Wilkins, and it’s his friend Jerry Fisher, masquerading as Adam.

Caroline ends up having an awesome time with Jerry, but she’s plagued by her guilt,. She tells everyone what she’s done, and then runs off into the night sobbing. But Jerry catches up to her and says that he’s actually enjoyed being with her and he’d like to write her, and they end up making out. It’s sort of a cute ending, I guess.

Other Notes:

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